Be My Sunflower

Family

I'd spent the morning with Jessica and Kory at the mall, Id taken her out for a ladies day. She was always at home with the kids while I took all of Christopher's time so she deserved it. We ate brunch at a cute cafe and talked about life, it was a much needed girly time. Kory was always happy for a good girls day.

Later we met up with Francesca and her boyfriend who joined her in Vancouver, Chris and the kids and Erik. Parker was exceptionally focused on Joshua not being there and it kind of dampened my mood. Wasn't Parker's fault, but today is the perfect example of why he should be up here. When I get time off I spend it alone or with our cast and that's on him.

I'd been quietly enjoying the scenery, making small talk with Francesca or the kids and Jessica.

"Auntie panties?" Parker asked.

"Yeah buddy?" I smiled down at him, he was such a sweetheart.

"I walk with you?" He lifted his tiny hand up and I held it in mine.

"Of course! Are you having fun?" I asked, he beamed up at me.

"Yes." He skipped a while and eventually let go and ran ahead to check out the river. I watched him with so much pride, Chris and Jessica were such incredible parents and I loved being their Aunt. But a heavy weight laid on my chest, would I ever be a mother?

I knew if I left Joshua it would be even longer, I didn't know how long it would take for me to meet someone new. Or if they'd even want kids, I wasn't getting any younger and I feared I'd miss out on it entirely.

I felt an arm around me and looked up to see Francesca smiling at me, "You look deep in thought over here."

"Do I?" I laughed.

"Yeah, what's up?" She asked, taking her boyfriends hand.

"Nothing, just contemplating life decisions." I said softly, "Don't pay attention to me. Have fun!"

She nodded, "I want you to have fun too."

"I am!" I smiled, genuinely. "Just caught me in a thought."

"Okay!" She stopped walking to take a selfie with her boyfriend and I made a mental note to stop thinking about things that made me sad. I often forget that when I think my feelings are worn all over my face.

Erik had been very quiet all day, he said good morning and told me I looked warm in my parka. He looked so deep in thought all morning, taking in his surroundings and enjoying everything going on around him.

We all drove to a dam after the hike and I went in Erik's car with Kory and Francesca and her boyfriend Josh. I sat up front and glanced at him while I buckled my seat belt and he gave me a genuine smile which I returned.

"You have an incredible family, Colleen!" Francesca chimed from the back seat. "Your niece and nephews are SO adorable!"

"Yeah. They are so amazing and welcoming." Josh said.

"They really are." Erik added softly.

"Thank you, That means a lot. I love my family more than anything in the world, I'm glad you all like them!"

Francesca fell into conversation with Josh and Kory and I turned my attention to Erik. "Did you have fun?"

Erik glanced at me quickly then back to the road, "me? Yes, absolutely everything was so beautiful."

"Are you the observant quiet type, Stocklin?" I was sort of calling him out, right?

He bobbed his head back and forth slightly, "Yes and No, depends on the location and my surroundings."

"You seemed pretty observant and quiet today." I said, shoving the fur to my hood down so I could look at him without being tickled in my nose.

"I was observant?" He smirked, "Nah, I was just taking it all in."

I nodded, "Nature boy?"

He laughed softly, "Yeah."

"That's cool." I looked out my window and saw we were already pulling in. "Oh that was a quick drive."

As everyone filed out and headed to Chris at a picnic table Erik waited for me to untangle myself from his seat belt. I started laughing at myself as he opened the car door and pulled the strap out away from me and untangled my coat from the strap. He smiled an amused smirk, but said nothing.

"Thanks." I blushed, as he closed the car door behind me. "I'd like to say I'm normally not that derpy but I am always that derpy."

He shrugged but smirked, "I can see that."

I laughed and we walked to Christopher who was asking to take photos. We'd taken several group photos, the cast with the kids and Francesca took a bunch with Josh and individuals.

I nudged Erik, "Take a selfie with me?"

"Of course." My heart was racing beneath my chest and I didn't know why. I held the camera out as far as I could and up slightly since he was so much taller than me and took one.

"I'll text it to you. Thanks!" I sent it to him and he pulled his phone out as Francesca grabbed me for one with her.

We headed back to get all our vehicles but stopped to eat. The restaurant was booked so we grabbed food at a grocery store and ate outside. Erik grabbed a coffee and tried dodging the cameras while everyone was filming. It was funny to me how an actor hates being on camera so much.

While I ate with my family around me I was suddenly sad again, I found myself looking at Erik a lot and I didn't know what I wanted or why but he had it. I just felt the urge to hug him and I knew if I just got up and hugged him it would look weird so I stayed in my seat until we left an hour later. The entire time my body ached and I felt like jumping out of my skin to be with him.

After we all said goodbyes back at the hiking trail and everyone had left except me and Kory and Erik I handed Kory the keys.

"Go warm the car up? I'll be there in a minute." He eyed me but took them graciously and headed towards our car.

I followed Erik to his car and I felt nervous, I think he felt it too because he wouldn't look me in the eyes. What was happening?