lui ou lui

~Talking~

Paul's POV

The ride back to work was quiet after the kiss. Just like this morning. I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed answers, or something. As we pull into the parking lot I look over at Tanner who appears to be deep in thought. He parks the car but still won't look at me. When he reaches for the door handle I grab his arm, holding him back gently.

"Tanner- look at me," He slowly turns and his eyes meet mine, "We have to talk about this. Whatever this is." My heart was beating a mile a minute but I knew this needed to be done. Maybe I don't want to know the answer though. What if it's not something I want to hear?

"I...I know. It's just really confusing for me Paul. I've never liked a guy before, so it's all kinda new. I don't want to lead you on and then end up backing out." Tanner looked away.

I close my eyes in frustration trying not to let the plethora of emotions boil over, "Well, it's a bit late for that Tanner." There was more sting in my voice than I intended, but I couldn't help it. He flirts with me and Woods, then kisses me, then gives me the cold shoulder. It's enough to make anyone upset.

Tanner looks back up at me. In his eyes I see hurt but also this lost far away look. I don't wait for a response. If I sit in that car much longer I'll do something I'll regret. Either I'd kiss him and forgive him, or yell at him and push him further away. So I get out of the truck and storm off back to the studio. When I get inside Matt is the first person to see me. I guess he noticed I wasn't in a good mood, because he didn't say anything as I walked by. Once in my office I turned off the lights and shut the door. Thank goodness Connor isn't here right now.

I lay my head on my desk and think about everything. A few silent tears slip out. The events from today must have exhausted me more than I knew. After a few minutes I fell asleep.

Tanner's POV

I really hope I didn't just fuck things up with Paul. He deserves better than this, better than me. I was drowning in my own confusion and I didn't have anything to hold on to. The rest of the day I feel like I'm on autopilot. The Rekt shoots go well, I get some editing done, and manage to avoid social interaction as much as possible. Especially with Paul. I didn't want to make him more upset than I already have. When the time came around to leave for the day, I left silently without saying any good byes.

I just didn't feel well. Emotionally or physically or mentally. A nap would fix this for sure. Of course, naps fix everything. Naps and food - usually. I walk up to mine and Gunner's shared apartment and once inside immediately plop down on the couch. This is nice. Let's just never leave this couch. The couch is safe. The couch doesn't have feelings I can hurt. Me and the couch will live happily ever after.

Apparently I fell asleep while moping on the couch because next thing I know a pillow was being thrown at me and Gunner was telling me to wake up. I roll over and see Gunner standing over me. He looked concerned and serious. Oh fuck.

"C'mon Tanner, sit up. We need to talk." I already knew what the talk was going to be about. Gunner was a good friend, and won't let me fuck my life up without at least trying to help. I sit up slowly and he sits down next to me. As I wrap the blanket closer around me I rest my head on Gunner's shoulder. I'm so lucky to have such a good best friend.

"Gunner. . . I don't know what to do," I sigh.

"Let's start with something simple. You told me you like Paul. Why were you kissing Woods in the closet?"

"I like him too?" I said it as a question because feelings are confusing.

"Okay well you can't keep doing this to both of them. Paul told me what happened this afternoon, and I'm willing to bet he has no idea about Woods and the closet."

"No, he doesn't. I feel like shit Gunner, but how do I fix this? I can't choose between them. Not right now anyways. Hell, I'm still not even sure if I like boys."

"Tanner," Gunner had a serious tone to his voice, "I'm pretty damn sure you like boys considering everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. So we can cross that off the list of questions."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"What you need to do, is somehow tell them both how you feel. And tell them how you feel about the other. They deserve to know your mind isn't made up."

"But...what if neither of them likes me anymore? What if I lose them both as friends? Is it already too late?" I felt on the verge of tears, my heart can't take so many things at once. Gunner grabs my hand and squeezes it in a friendly way.

"You'll be okay Tanner. I'm here for you. It's not right for you to keep leading them both on though. And eventually...you'll have to pick." I sigh and move my head from Gunner's shoulder to his lap. He rubs my back comfortingly and I fall back asleep. He really is the best friend. Like a brother.

A/N - Sorry this chapter is coming out a bit late today. Well technically tomorrow for me. I had a migraine today and literally couldn't do anything at all. Anyways! Put in the comments where you guys are from. I'm curious because when I post at like 7am a lot of you see it right away, but most people aren't awake that early. So, I'm thinking time difference? In other news, finally some fucking character development.

~Stay Lovely~