lui ou lui

~help~

*casually writing fanfiction while at Warped Tour*

Woods' POV

The second we were in the car together, Matt started firing the questions, "What's going on with you and Tanner?"

I decided to be honest, "There's some weird crush triangle between us." Matt looked confused.

"Us? Who's the third?"

"...Paul," I looked over at him. He was purposefully masking his emotions though.

Matt sighed, "This is all starting to make sense now," he was quiet for a moment, "look this is your guys personal lives so as your boss I can't say much. But as your friend, be careful. I don't want to see any of you hurt."

I just nodded in response, not sure of what to say. I looked down and realized my other hand was subconsciously gripping the injured one. So much so that it started to bleed again, slowly going through the bandages. I flipped my hand over so Matt wouldn't see.

*Mildly attractive person just sat down next to me . Fuck.*

The rest of the ride was quiet. Both of us had too much on our minds. Well mine was on everything and nothing all at once. I still couldn't place this feeling. Then all at once it hits me. I know what it is. I haven't felt this way in a long time though. I begin freaking out in car. I need to be home now. I try to not let Matt see me breaking on the inside. If he did notice, he didn't mention it.

After an eternity we get to my apartment. I hurriedly jump out of the car, not even saying bye. Once inside I slam the door shut and slide down it. I pull my knees up to my chest and begin crying. Fuck.

*Flashback*

"Woodland, are you sure you're ready for this?" The doctor asked me for the millionth time. I was stopping my medicine today. We had been slowly weening me off, and now I was ready.

"I haven't had any urges or breakdowns in a year. No more thoughts of...well you know. I can do this," I state adamently. She just gives me this sad smile.

"Okay then," she signs a paper on her clipboard and hands it over to me. I was done. I was free. I can finally feel normal again.

*End flashback*

I woke up on the floor by my door. I guess I cried myself to sleep. Well it's better than some alternatives...I shook the thought out of my head. Everything was fine. I was fine. This was an accident. I didn't hurt myself on purpose. Right?

I got up and went to the bathroom. Slowly unraveling the bandage to see an angry red cut with dried blood around it. It needed to be cleaned but it's going to hurt. I brace myself and pour rubbing alcohol over it, almost screaming out in pain. Once it was over I rebandaged it.

I checked the time on my phone. Seven. I slept for a long time. I noticed I had some text messages but didn't read them. Right now I just wanted food. Mac n Cheese is always a good quick meal. With that, I grab a pot and fill it with water. After I place the pot on the stove to boil, I hop up on the counter and look at my messages.

Two from Tanner, one from Matt.

Tanner: did you get home alright? How's the cut?
Tanner: Woods? Are you okay? You haven't answered.

Matt: You left the car in a rush, everything good?

I sighed and typed out a response to Matt.

Woods: yeah I'm fine. Just felt a little sick. Didn't want to throw up in the Tesla

Matt: oh. Well I appreciate that. Feel better. You don't have to come in tomorrow if you're not up for it.

Taking a deep breath I just put my phone down. I couldn't deal with Tanner right now. Not so soon after. Matt doesn't need to know either. I can control this. I'm okay. Looking back at the stove, I see the water is boiling. I put the noodles in and wait.

Tanner is probably on his date right now. His date with Paul. Why would he ever pick me over Paul? He won't. He wouldn't. No one would.

No. I attempt to stop this train of thought before it gets to far. They've already buried deep inside of me though. I feel utterly worthless. I don't know how to make this go away. I could always...NO.

I finish the Mac and put it all in one big bowl for me. I go to the living room and put on some random cartoon for background noise. I strangely found myself watching Octonauts. It's not that bad for a kids show. So I watch it until I get up the nerve to text Tanner.

Woods: hey. I'm home. Sorry I fell asleep. I'm okay.

Tanner: okay. I'm glad.

Woods: how's it going?

Several episodes pass and still no response from Tanner. The thoughts come back. I try to focus on the show but it isn't working. Nothing's working. I'm scared. I'm scared of myself. And my thoughts. I don't want to be alone.

I couldn't think of anyone else to call. So I take a deep breath and dial Tanner's number. Please pick up.

A/N - how bout that fucking angst? This chapter kinda has me shook. Like my heart hurts for Woods. Anyways, tell me what you think?

~Stay Lovely~