just fall | ✓

11.

I didn't recall falling asleep, but I woke to the songs of the birds the next morning, and I woke with my head on someone's arm and my face pressed to their chest. There was an arm wrapped around my waist, and I had my arm around this someone. I opened my eyes, and found that Alexander and I had both awakened at the same time.

I would like to say that we jumped apart, very much awake, and made hasty apologies before attempting to forget the situation entirely. I'd be lying if I said that.

In truth, he lifted the hand that had rested on my waist and brushed some of my hair from my eyes, trailing his fingers down the side of my face. Seemingly without thinking, he tilted his face down towards mine and I tilted mine up to his. And he kissed me.

There were no fireworks, but it was a good kiss. My heart stuttered in my chest. He had nice, soft lips, and he was decent at kissing, mostly because he seemed just as nervous (if not more) than me. I surprised myself by sinking into it rather than resisting. It was easy to fall into.

Its end was much less sudden than its beginning, and he looked pleasantly surprised by the turn it had taken. I felt as though I mirrored his expression, though I was sure that mine leaned much more towards surprised. I almost—almost—opened my mouth to say something, but he bent his head and kissed me again, and rather than resisting, I pulled him closer. I hadn't ever expected to enjoy kissing, yet I did.

At that time, I wasn't thinking of any of this; my thoughts were focused on Alexander. He smelled faintly of pine and something that I couldn't quite place, and his rough hand was gentle against the side of my face. His fingertips were threaded into my hair, his palm pressed to my cheek, and no one had ever held me so gently. He didn't hold me like I was breakable—we both knew that I was a far cry from breakable—but he held me far more gently than necessary, something that I found myself appreciating. After nearly eighteen years of rough, harsh treatment, gentleness was something that I'd rarely even observed, much less experienced, so I found myself appreciating it.

The kiss ended far too soon, although really, I would have been content to kiss him forever. It was a stupid thing to think and to want, but as someone that had never experienced anything like that, I thought that maybe I could justify enjoying something that I had once sneered at and called a luxury. An Eight couldn't afford to laze around in bed, kissing a boy; love and affection were reserved for the higher castes. It was a truth that I had accepted since I was young, yet I found myself almost bitter that I'd been deprived of it for so long.

Alexander smiled down at me. "Good morning," he said.

"Good morning," I replied. "Do you usually kiss girls the second you wake up?"

He chuckled. "No, actually. I don't kiss very many girls, and I certainly don't share a bed with them. Do you?"

I laughed. "Before you had kissed me, I had never been kissed. So no, I don't."

"Well, I hope I wasn't a terrible first kiss."

"Definitely not." I felt my face flush. "I really enjoyed it, actually."

His cheeks turned a little pink as well. "I did too." He pressed a short kiss to my lips and then sat up, starting to get out of bed. "I think I'm going to go make breakfast."

I sat up as well. "I'll come."

He grinned. "Maybe you should get dressed. We need to be back by the end of lunch, and it's already nine." Lunch usually ended at one in the afternoon. I quickly did the math in my head and realized that he had a point.

"Fine," I sighed. "I guess. Should I put on a gown?"

"Probably," he said. "I'm sure that they'll have a different one for the Report, but it might be scandalous if we return and you're wearing a sundress."

I laughed. "Our return will be scandalous anyway."

He made a face. "Actually, no. We decided to tell the others that you were unwell and that I had a lot of work to do. No one but my family and your friend know that we came here. I didn't want anyone to give you trouble." His expression was tinged with guilt.

"You heard about what happened after the last date, then?" I sighed.

"I didn't have to hear about it," he snorted. "I could observe most of it."

Well, shit. I hadn't wanted Alexander to know much (or anything) about how the other Selected had acted after we had come to the little cottage the first time. Although he had since gone out with other girls, no one had occupied his time quite like I had, and the others were quite aware of that. Although it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle, I was getting tired of the snide whispers and the glares. I was ostracized enough back in Kent, and although I hadn't expected to be welcomed with open arms by the other Selected, I had hoped that my winning personality might win over a few friends. It seemed that the world was working against me and with me at the same time, because although I didn't have many friends, I did have Aquia and Clara, and I had the trust of both princes. I thought that maybe it was a good deal.

Maybe.

☼

Alexander and I dressed in a hurry, and while I struggled into my gown, he made us something to eat. It was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, but we ate anyway because we wouldn't have had time once we returned to the palace.

We didn't bring anything from the cottage--Alexander explained that they would keep it stocked in case we chose to return. The thought that he wanted to return with me at some point made me happier than I thought it should have, but I was too busy enjoying my last hour of freedom to care.

We arrived back to the palace roughly twenty minutes before the end of lunch. Alexander and I took the horse to the stables and then returned inside, hurrying up the stairs before lunch was finished. I had been expecting Alexander to hurry up to his own room, but he surprised me by following my brisk pace down the hall to my room.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Walking you back to your room." He said it like there was a no duh that he'd wanted to throw in there. 

"Why? Don't you have to hurry back to your room?"

"Of course," he said. "But I have plenty of military training and I've spent more days than I can count running laps. I can sprint to my room without a problem."

"You're going to run in a suit?" The ridiculousness of it made a laugh bubble up in my throat.

He shrugged. "I've done it before. It's not that bad. The tie just makes it a bitch." Hearing Alexander curse had to be close to the top of my Weirdest Things I've Ever Experienced list.

We reached my room. I turned to face Alexander, and I don't recall what I was going to say to him, but he saved me from having to speak by kissing me quickly. It was a short and chaste, and over far too quickly. "Well," I said with a breathy laugh, "That was a surprise."

He grinned. "Last one before I leave you," he said. He sobered a little. "I won't be able to go out with you again for a while. Favoritism and all of that. I'll try to find a way to see you again though?" He said it like a question, his expression open like a child's and his voice full of hope.

"If you can," I said. "I'd hate to be an inconvenience."

"You aren't an inconvenience," he said. "Not to me." He bent his head and kissed me again. "I'll see you tonight." And then he spun and left.

I entered my room and leaned against the door, enjoying a few moments of solitude before my maids came to get me ready for the Report. My head was spinning. What am I going to do?