froyo / dear evan hansen

twelve

it's one a.m as zoe quietly shuts the front door. she hasn't slept and her legs still shake.

connor quietened down at eleven. zoe learnt the hard way that blood is not easy to clean off of doors.

there are no buses running this early in the morning, so she has to walk to the beach. it's not far, but it's not ideal.

the sea and sky look almost the same mass in the dull moonlight: inky black shadows, ready to swallow things whole.

there's a cave down the right, opposite a pasty shop. she's only been in there once, when she was at the seaside with larry when she was younger, before everything got bad. she looks at the grey shadow of it before standing at the lip of the sea.

god, what happened to her? her silhouette blends in with the sea-sky completely. maybe that is a sign.

the waves crash ferociously against the sand. it's almost as if they know her anger and are trying to empathise. that's why she's always loved the beach. the noise can block everything out.

there's a small breeze, enough to make her shiver. cool, summer nights had always been her favourite when she was younger, but now she knows they'll always be tainted by the events of tonight.

the sea is colder, though, as she wades through it. her leggings soak completely, as does her thin jumper, but she has given up caring.

is she really going to do this? does it make her petty? does it make her weak? will it make connor worse or better? is it her fault he's like that?

the sea is cold.

zoe looks up the stars, searching for guidance. should she do it should she do it should she do it?

the sea is cold, and everything is chillingly still. the town is asleep. would anyone even notice of she did do it? until her body washed up on a shore in some place or other? because everything is about connor.

connor connor connor connor. taken over her life. with every single thing she does, she has to think through how it will affect connor. no one's noticed that she's struggling. no one's noticed the absence of guitar strumming; the worn soles of her jazz shoes; pens piled up in the bin; stars spreading like an infestation across her clothes.

because connor is the most important.

so maybe no one will notice her disappearance.

she lets the cold sea consume her.