froyo / dear evan hansen

fifteen

it's one of those summer days that turn into a bitter night. it's fitting really, and zoe snorts at this as she lingers at the bus stop, the bus late as usual. it was cold the last time she went to the beach at night.

zoe squeezes her eyes shut, trying not to remember that night again.

so why is she going back?

to clear her head. to remember what she felt after it –a reminder of why she shouldn't try it for a second time.

it's the last bus to bee balm cove until sane hours of the morning, and the as it pulls up, headlights piercing the darkness suddenly, it makes zoe flinch away. peering into the mud-splattered windows, it's pretty empty –an old man, three teenagers, and a woman who takes up two seats.

she pays at sits at the back, in the five seats, in the middle, and watches street lamps flicker past.

except for the stage-whispering of the drunk teens near the front, it's a quiet journey. the pink bee balm is lit dimly in a flickering, artificial light, clinging to the cracks in the roads and tickling the sides of rocks.

zoe takes off her shoes when she gets to the beach, the feeling of cold sand under foot relaxing her somewhat. the tide is up high, and she sits on a seaweed-clad rock just as near to the sea so she can dip her toes in the water.

it's cold, no surprise.

she realises there are more street lamps here than last year. it's somewhat lighter, and zoe actually appreciates that.

she finds herself looking around for alana. maybe it's because of this morning; maybe it's because of a year ago. but it feels right that she should be here: on a beach at night, although zoe hopes that she doesn't come here often that much anymore, and that she's coping better with her father's death. but another part of zoe wants her to be here so she can hold her hand and tell her about what's going on in her mind.

should she bring connor here? force him to stand in the spot he did? make him see what he did to her? is she really that cruel?

but wasn't he cruel to her?