LOVE IN HIGH SCHOOL

chapter 22

Brendon's POV

"And you are too selfish to admit it!" He basically yelled at me again and after that he looked up at me for a split second. His eyes were darker than usual and he seemed mad. I've never saw him have an outburst like that before. Never. He always used to be so calm, never said anything back and bam. Now this happened. He didn't even care people were around and he didn't even look at Dallon. The only person he wanted to do this to was clearly me. I don't..

"Well, have anything to say?" Dallon snapped me out of my thoughts and turned to me with a small smirk on his face. He seemed amused by this. I looked him over and glanced at the other side of the hallway which was still rather full of curious students. Whatever.

Ryan's words echoed in my mind. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Nor him. Broke up for a stupid reason. He deserved to break up with me, not vise versa. Too selfish.

I broke up with him for a reason. I did. I tried convincing myself that I did the right thing. If I did the right decision, then why am I thinking about it so much? I don't understand.

"Your lover boy still can't get enough of you, can't he?," Dallon commented as we stepped down on the hall. "No," I responded and yes. I heard what he said.

I have you Dallon. I said to him in my mind. Why would I care about Ryan? I broke up with him and it was the right fucking thing to do. I don't get it. What does Ryan want from me? To wallow in self pity and disgust forever? Not going to happen. I don't even know anymore, I'm so confused. I was doing okay, Dallon didn't say anything at all about this and I let go. But now Ryan came out of nowhere, snapped at me like that and now I'm over thinking it again.

I hear Dallon trying to talk to me, but I couldn't really listen to him since I was thinking and I didn't want to explain my shit to him anyways. It's stupid and I'm all over the place. Fuck you, Ryan. Fuck you.

"Hey, let's have sex?"

"Okay, sure- wait, what?" I looked up at him and Dallon rolled his eyes. "Damn, what are you thinking about so deeply? Seriously, what came over you? Is it your ex or something," he asked, but seemed like he knew exactly what I'm thinking about. We stepped outside the building and I stopped and looked at him.

"I'm fine, promise." That was a lie, because I don't have the energy to talk to him about it and I don't even want to think of Ryan! I don't fucking want to. I got closer to Dallon, wrapping my arms around him. I kissed him and pulled him as close as possible to me. He didn't kiss back, but just took my arms and unwrapped them. I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Brendon, look. I know you're thinking about your ex. Ryan or whatever. I know that this what you and I have doesn't mean anything to you. You're just using me to get over him and frankly, I don't mind that. You're pretty hot and I wouldn't mind just being friends with benefits because I can't commit and don't really care about relationships. Sort things with your ex first. I'd honestly feel bad if we'd fuck around while you'll think of him all the time. Call me when you figure things out, ya?," he spoke as he was looking down at me. He smiled for a split second and then turned around to leave.

He's right. Ryan's right. Everyone is right except me. I sit down on the nearest bench, complementing what just happened and what I've heard so far. Maybe he's right. Maybe I can't let go. I had the phone in my hand, thinking weather I should call Ryan or Dallon. Spencer. Right, Spencer. I yelled at him before and it's coming to me. I swear, I fucked up everything at tho point. First I dialed Spencer's number and he hung up. Ryan blocked my phone number and I didn't dare to call Dallon. I don't have an answer yet.

I got up from the bench and slowly stepped home. I was thinking about all their words and what I've heard today. Selfish. Numb. Player. Jealous. I'm awful, really. At least Dallon doesn't let that get to him. That doesn't matter.

~

As soon as I stepped in my room, I took off my jacket and tossed it in my desk along with my school bag and my phone. I looked around it, hoping I'd found something I could just smash somewhere, but there's nothing left. Nothing, since that outburst from a couple weeks ago.

I sat down on the bed, trying to calm myself down and eventually I got my phone and left a voice mail for him. Ryan. I told him to call me back. That's it. I can't do more