Toxic (H.S.)

39*

Marlene

A few weeks passed after the incident that left a crack in my heart. My stomach was back to normal and I had begun painting again as I used to after my first time losing a baby.

The doctor cleared me to try and have a baby again, but it was strange the way I felt.

I sat outside and painted while Ollie sat on his blanket playing with his toys. A cold chill passed me by so I knew it was time to go inside. It was cloudy today, the dark clouds reflecting my current state of sadness.

I hated feeling like this because it wasn't my fault, the paranoid feeling I had about losing this baby because of my past didn't happen. Yet, I felt like I knew this would happen. It was silly but I had felt since the beginning that I wouldn't make it through this pregnancy.

I walked with Oliver into the house and let him grab his toy car and play in the living room while I began dinner.

Harry would be home soon and I was so happy to just spend some alone time with him. For weeks we had guests like his mom and sister who were so thankful to have Oliver safe.

Gemma hugged me for a long time when I explained that I miscarried and told me that everything had to happen at its time and that one day I would have my baby.

They had left yesterday and it was the first time where Harry and I could be alone for a bit.

I began cutting vegetables for some dinner when I heard the door open and the alarm code punch in. I became distracted and cut down, slicing the side of my thumb. "Ow fuck!" I cried out dropping the knife and running to the sink where the blood dripped into it.

"Marlene!" He ran in and looked at me concerned. "What happened, baby!?" He ran over to grab a washcloth.

"No, not the towel, get some napkins! Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of things." He rolled his eyes getting some napkins.

"I can see you're fine." He shook his head turning on the cold water. I could hear Oliver's little feet paddling their way to the kitchen. "Mumma's fine, she just has a boo boo." He told him. He kept trying to look as Harry grabbed the first aid kit and cleaned the cut. After a few minutes, the cut stopped bleeding and he looked at it. "Not too bad, I think you'll be okay." He said sweetly.

He placed a bandaid on it and wrapped it up nicely so nothing got in it. He gave it a kiss and smiled.

"Thank you." He nodded leaning down to peck my lips.

He picked up Oliver while I looked around at how little I had done today. "Do you want some help?" I shook my head, I didn't feel like cooking anymore.

"I think you should just order something, I need to lay down for a minute." I walked to the bedroom and sat at the edge of the bed where all the tears I had held in, had escaped. I laid down and closed my eyes falling asleep.

*

When I woke up about four hours later I was covered in a blanket and had a very pretty purple flower next to my bed with a small note. I sat up and opened the note but it was just a little handprint with Oliver's name next to it that read "Best mommy in the world." I smiled holding it to my heart. I placed it in the small picture frame of next to my bed to be right next to a photo of Ollie.

I walked down the hall and saw that Ollie was already in bed so I walked in to kiss his forehead. I closed the door and walked down to the living room where Harry was showered and in his pajamas watching a movie on the couch. He noticed me quickly turning to look at me.

I smiled gently going over to sit beside him. "Are you hungry?" I nodded. "I brought your favorite, tacos, real tacos." He joked walking over to the microwave to pull them out. He reheated the tortillas on the stove and brought me them on the couch.