Mr. Pride and I | jjk x llm

24

*do know that this chapter wasn't read the second time and there might be errors such as; wrong spellings, wrong grammar, and simply other words changed by autocorrect, please understand

-Lisa-

I laid flat on my stomach, burying my head into the soft covers of my bed as I breathed hardly into it, it was, in a way, suffocating me by blocking my breath to escape.

I laid there, closing my eyes and continued breathing in deep breaths, despite having trouble at doing so and loving the thin material used for my pajamas, and how the cold air passed through it slightly.

But despite the comfortable state I was in, I still couldn't avoid feeling the soreness of my shoulders. And I questioned why.

My bag wasn't that heavy, I had left my books at my locker and there were only a binder, a pencil case, and a few things I needed to pass a day in school in there, it never did cross my mind my shoulders would feel like this, especially knowing the weight of my bag wasn't that heavy.

But I tried hard to forget about it, so that hopefully, my focus wouldn't be on the pain and I might really forget that my shoulders were really sore. It had happened before and I wanted it to happen now.

After a few seconds, I rolled over onto my back and was now facing the plain ceiling before me, my shoulders still sore and I decided that I should continue on brainstorming on what enjoyable activities my family and I would do.

There were a lot of things to do, but only a handful of them were actually of my liking. The activities I do always depended on what I felt. And most of the time, I felt like my normal self—and what I mean by that is that I feel like nothing seemed off, and nothing seemed right altogether, it was how my brain functioned. It was confusing, even to me, at first, but I soon got used to the feeling and it just felt normal. Sometimes, that fact was too overwhelming for my mind and I somehow grew numb, which is bad. Really, really bad. Growing number was worse, they say.

And because I felt that most times, the place where I went to was always my room, where I stay silent, asking nonsense questions to the ceiling and not getting an answer. In times, I overthink and I didn't like that because it makes me realize things and somehow break what I had believed. I also write stories often to out balance the feeling that nothing seemed right. I would write what I felt and leave the feeling there, to later on be forgotten and be found again.

But at the moment, I didn't feel that, a little shocking but not really anymore. I knew I was changing, and that scared me, to the point where that thought kept me up all night. It felt like a threat to my brain and I feel my breath hitching whenever I thought of me, breaking my own walls and be open to such a dangerous world. But I knew well, that no one stays the same, but I also know not all changes. I didn't want to change.

These days, I was feeling more calm and that slowly pushed away the old feelings that I knew was meant to stay before I had came into this school, and I just let them do it, knowing they'll come running back to haunt me again and give me that familiar feeling I didn't know I wanted to stay or not.

And the only place I wanted to be in at the moment, was the beach. A beautiful place where my nature was actually appreciated and was not judged.

But I didn't want it to be an afternoon at the beach, where the sun was raised high up and swimming was a must. I want to go there early in the morning, where the sun was nowhere to be seen and the cold wind the early morning would bring would make the waves slightly bigger than normal. And if allowed, I wish it would drizzle.

Just sitting there on the sand, letting the wind mess up my hair and me not giving it a single care. That would be the best, and would definitely be a perfect way to spend my morning, for me, of course, because not all would want that.