Jacksepticeye Imagines

Paranoid

Word count: 1910

(This isn't my best work but I had really bad paranoia a few nights ago so I had to vent and get it out of my system)

EDIT: TW for general theme of school shooting

It was nearing midnight. You were laying on your side, peering through a gap in the curtains that hid the tall windows just beside your bed. You couldn't really see anything outside, only that it was slightly brighter than inside your room, thanks to the street lights. You closed your eyes.

Images flashed in the emptiness at the rate of a camera shutter, making your eyelids twitch. Loud noises. Screaming students. Running. You opened your eyes, taking note of your heart tapping against your ribcage and your lungs demanding deep breaths.

You didn't consider your school a safe haven, but you'd never felt like you were in danger. Sure, there were kids who were jerks and even some who were violent. One kid even got in trouble for playing with a knife in the boys' bathroom. But you had no enemies, really. You had no reason to believe anyone would try to hurt you.

It was paranoia.

You had faint memories of teasing your mother for worrying about you getting hurt or whatever else, but worrying is what moms do. Her anxiety pales in comparison to what you were experiencing that night. No, you think about it and realize your paranoia, your anxiety, has been holding you under water all week. It has pushed you under before, but you were always able to resurface and get  some air but now you were drowning.

Drowning, suddenly drenched in your tears, trying to conjure up some excuse to not go to school tomorrow. You're gripping fistfuls of your comforter but it doesn't bring you any comfort and your eyelids drift closed.

You see yourself and a random assortment of students huddled in the corner of a classroom. And there's Jack, sitting beside you. You cling to him, the only buoy in the middle of a stormy sea.

While you realized it was odd to visualize cuddling up to your friend and crush, he was the only thing that could calm you in that moment. You removed yourself and Jack from the classroom, imagined your bodies teleporting to an aquarium. You loved marine life, and you knew Jack did to. A mental tour consisting of what you could remember of a school field trip helped you fall asleep ten minutes later.

Your alarm woke you up at 6:50 in the morning. You turned it off and rolled over, waiting for the next one to go off in five minutes. You stared at the pillow beside you, blinking away the sleepiness. Your stomach twisted at the thought of stepping foot on campus, your mind now tainted with the not-so-irrational fear of being in a group of sitting ducks waiting to be shot.

In eighth grade, your dad told you that you could disobey your teacher if there was an intruder. In your middle school, every classroom had a door that led outside, so you knew that you would sprint straight out of there if anything happened.

High school was different. There were two storeys. Classrooms didn't have back doors. The doors looked sturdier, sure, but were you willing to take that risk? If you ran down the hallway to get to an exit, the intruder would be able to hear you if they were anywhere near your location. Note to self: take off shoes if you have to run down the hall.

Your second alarm went off and you decided to get up. As you watched yourself brush your teeth, you wondered if you should pack your pre cal textbook, the thickest one you had. It would've make your bag a lot heavier, but it would've also made your bag a more reliable shield. You ultimately decided against it, mostly because it wouldn't fit with all your class binders and notebooks.

As you walked from the parking lot to one of the school's entrances, you didn't feel nearly as scared as the night before. Still, the dreadful feeling was still there and you wanted to go home. You noticed your eyes flicking between people, darting to the smallest movement. You scanned for angry or upset faces, the closest being bored and tired expressions and those tall guys who always look intimidating. You watched your feet on the way to first period because you heard that it makes the journey faster, or at least seem faster.