The Voices and I

chapter four

"Hey Ivy, come here!" Sam calls at me.

"I'm doing something one second."

"No, come now."

"Can you just wait, seriously."

"Did you just tell me to wait?"

I look up and see that Sam's face has gone dark and his expression is unreadable. It's hard to tell what he's thinking but one thing I do know is that it isn't good. This is my first mistake. We're at my house and my parents are at work leaving us home alone. We're supposedly meant to be doing homework but Sam is making it utterly impossible. We're in my room, him laying across my double sized bed and me at my desk with my back to him. This is my second mistake.

"What did I tell you about talking back?"

The bed squeaks signaling that Sam has gotten up. I know he's heading my way but I don't dare look behind me. I'd rather not know and hope that he's stretching his legs or something but to my dismay he begins to silently stroll towards me and it feels like it's taking him an eternity to actually reach me. As the time sluggishly crawls forwards fear begins to take over my mind, filtering out all rational thoughts. I hold my breath until I feel his on my back and it's enough to make the hairs on my neck stand to attention.

In a flash, things go from bad to worse. He grabs my neck with brutal force and begins to squeeze. I try to pull it off with both of my hands but he's too strong and his grip won't loosen. If anything my struggling only fuels his anger and makes him squeeze tighter.

Suddenly he pulls me up whilst still gripping onto my throat and turns me around to face him. I stare into his eyes praying that somewhere deep inside is a heart that could demand him to stop. Can't he see the fear in my eyes? I can see the anger in his and for the first time, I notice how dark they are. I'm sure they were brown before but now they're pitch black.

"Didn't I tell you not to talk back to me?" he asks still tightening his grip. "I'm waiting for an answer." He says calmly as if this is something that is meant to be normal.

I don't know how he expects me to answer when he's pressing down on my voice box but neither the less I still try to answer him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I choke out but my voice is so quiet I doubt he heard it. He's fallen down a very deep, dark sadistic hole and he's showing no signs of climbing out of it any time soon.

He yanks me up and pushes me against the wall. The look in his eyes is beginning to scare me. Usually, he would've stopped by this point but this time he continues to mercilessly press harder as if his goal really is to permanently deny my lungs of oxygen. Tears leak from the corner of my eyes as I feel myself nearing the breaking point. I scream at him to stop as I bang my fists against his chest but none of it's working. I shouldn't have even allowed myself to end up in this situation. It's not like this is unusual behavior.

My vision goes blurry and the funny thing is that I can't be more thankful. I want him to end it but he never does, somehow gaining pleasure from my suffering.

But I let him.

I bolt up out of my bed gasping for breath as if someone had forcefully been holding my head under water. As I pant I hear my Mom call from outside my door, "Ivy wake up, Dr. Evans' on call!"

~~~

I paced up and down my room trying to decide on whether or not I would go to meet Sam. I felt stupid for even considering it. He didn't deserve my kindness or forgiveness but he did deserve a chance to explain himself and that didn't mean I was going to forgive him.

With an hour left I made my decision.

With half an hour left I still wasn't dressed. I went to my wardrobe and took out the first pair of jeans and top I could find and threw it on. There really wasn't any reason to dress to impress for my abusive ex-boyfriend. There was no way in hell I was going to take him back. Even if someone paid me.