The Voices and I

chapter nine

"So why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

A couple weeks had passed and nothing much had changed. Sam was still slyly hanging out with me- when his 'friends' weren't around of course and I was still avoiding talk of 'the bridge incident' with Toby. Emma still wasn't talking to me and avoided me like I was some sort of apocalyptic disease but honestly, I didn't really mind it all.

"Hmm." Sam hummed in response whilst turning his head towards me.

"I said why didn't you tell me you had a brother?" I whispered back to him, trying not to catch the attention of our maths teacher Mr. Bailey.

He rolled his eyes and commented, "I didn't really think it was a necessary thing to bring up," like it as the most obvious thing ever. "I mean it's not like I ever asked you if you had siblings."

The arrogance was beginning to peak through this new persona of his and I think he could tell by the irritated look on my face.

"Well, it's not like I'm surprised. I hardly know anything about you. I never really did so why start opening up now, right?"

He let out a sigh. "Always have to ruin the mood don't you?"

"Yep."

We turned back to the lesson, deciding that we really did have to start paying attention in class if we wanted to pass. After a moments silence, I realized that there was no point. I was hopeless at maths. I always had been and always will be.

"Why doesn't your brother come to this school? Or is he older than you?" I asked knowing for once Sam was in a good sort of mood.

"Since you're such great friends why don't you ask him yourself," he groaned not even looking up from his maths book.

"Maybe I will." I declared as the bell went for the end of the lesson.

"You do that," he said whilst packing up his stuff. "I'll see you later yeah."

"Yeah see you later." My voice faded out towards the end of the sentence and I just stood there like an idiot watching him walk out of the classroom. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't falling for him. I just would've preferred not to be alone at lunchtime. He wasn't going to ditch his 'friends' so I don't know what I expected from him.

I walked out of the classroom and walked in the first direction that came to mind because obviously, I didn't have anywhere to go. The hallways were full to the brim, making the anxiety roll back through my body. There had to be somewhere I could go.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, thinking of somewhere to go. But everywhere I went people were looking at me and judging me. Why would anyone want to look at me? There was nothing special to look at.

You're disgusting. Why would they want to look at you?

"Maybe they're blind and can't tell."

The voices had begun to become a lot more prominent and even the medication couldn't keep them at bay. It's not like they ever took a break either. The voices were so persistent it was hard to believe that they were my minds creations. You'd think after having dealt with this for so long I would've done my research on it. Still, I was almost completely clueless only knowing the little that Dr. Evans had told me. The truth scared me and I'd rather run away from what they really are, then face it. It wouldn't make any difference. Your parents telling you there's no monster hiding in your room doesn't stop you from interpreting shapes in the dark as monsters.

I made my way to the library. How hadn't I thought of it before? It was on the top floor of the building. The further I journeyed up the stairs the more scarce people had become. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. It was a relief.