The Voices and I

chapter eight

I ran out of the changing room like I was being chased.

The leftovers in the hallways didn't even look at me. They were probably used to my strange outbursts by then. I just prayed that Emma didn't notice me.

Only when I got to my homeroom did I notice that I was still in my gym clothes.

It was the most embarrassing moment in my life. It was even more embarrassing than the time I broke down in the hallways.

I froze. Nobody was paying attention to me or had even noticed that I was in the classroom yet anxiety continued to rip across me as the loud buzz of whispering people seemed to get louder and louder. It slashed through my brain ripping all rational thoughts into shreds leaving millions of tiny fragments of doubt scattered across my brain. All the faces had distorted expressions on them. Pleasant smiles turned into malicious grins. Eyes filled with life and promise turned black and empty making it seem as if they were and weren't looking at me all at the same time and as much as I despised Dr. Evans I tried to think back to what she had told me. These were simply hallucinations that my brain was conjuring up because it hated me but my heart just couldn't believe it. Even the walls were silently tormenting me with their blankness.

I was engulfed in a tornado of words and every so often I was stabbed in the back with one and a perfect scar was left in its place. I prayed to see that blue sky even if it was just once, even if it was a just a glance but I never did see it. The strong forces were pulling up even the deepest rooted trees with ease. I watched as the now empty houses where love and happiness once lived were thrown up into the air. Even if one day Joy and Passion did come back there would be no space for them. They no longer had room in my mind for the space that they once occupied was taken up by doubt and anxiety.

The room became a swirl of colors as if this internal tornado was so strong that it was able to pull the vibrancy out of the walls and just as all light was about to fade out somebody grabbed my arm.

"Ivy, you alright?"

I opened my eyes. I didn't even know that I'd closed them in the first place. The grip on my arm was firm. Whoever this person was I definitely owed because they were practically holding me upright.

To my complete and utter surprise, it was Sam.

If I wasn't trembling before I was definitely shaking now. He made me more uneasy then all the people in this high school combined.

"I'm not- I was just...sorry." he rambled to himself rather hastily letting go of my arm.

"It's fine," I whispered back, staring at the floor just in case someone did perhaps catch a glimpse of my episode that aired just the moment before.

I don't think anyone did though.

Tears threatened to brace the surface but I pushed them back down. The last person I wanted to look weak in front of was him.

It's like I had forgotten that he knew me better than anyone else.

Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the back of the classroom. I wanted to scream at him to let me go but something inside wouldn't let me. This boy practically pushed me into a seat and then sat down next to me. He then frantically rummaged through his pockets for a little while before he pulled out a pack of chocolate. Once he had opened it he tore off a square and put it to my lips and I took it without even thinking.

Just then our homeroom teacher finally decided to make an appearance and all eyes were on the front.

Sam gently pushed my head to lay on his shoulder and used his other hand to stroke my hair. It might've seemed stupid but it was enough to calm my raging heart.