The Voices and I

chapter seven

"So...what really happened?"

Monday morning had started off wonderfully with an intense interrogation session with Dr Evans. She seemed to have abandoned all means of sympathy by this point and even took off her glasses in order to bore a hole straight through my soul with her ghostly pale eyes.

"I fainted."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did. What reason would you have to think otherwise?" I retorted back and she looked at me like I had sworn at her or something.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Er, tha-"

"It was a rhetorical question. Don't you think I know all of the tricks by now? I have been doing this for twenty years and I have met a thousand girls just like you, claiming they're fine an-"

Her voice started to fade into background noise and I couldn't help but indulge in the cacophony of sounds that raced through my mind. Some of the noise came from the school of voices within my head and I was sure that they were in the middle of a politics class because there was definitely a heated discussion going on. The voices were so loud I began to worry if my Mom and Dr. Evans could hear them; which was a stupid thought. Not many of my thoughts were my own but when I did seem to have control, the opportunity was ill-spent on mindless, insignificant things. It was enough to make me always believe they were right, enough to make me trust in them.

"IVY!"

Her voice snapped me back to reality, a place I wished was real. Not that I could really tell the difference.

"Look, Ivy, I know you tried to commit suicide," she stated in a matter of fact tone.

Behind me there was a crash, quickly making me turn around to see that the glass my Mom was washing just a moment ago was now lying scattered in pieces on the tiled kitchen floor.

The room went silent. This silence wasn't your normal, everyday sort of silence. It was thick and heavy and not even the faint ringing sound that usually accompanied silence could be heard.

"I-Ivy?" my Mom spluttered out. I watched as her mind began to betray her and as her hands began to shake. Even her eyes seemed to tremble to cause the once calm waters to then gush out of her eyes in its attempt to escape.

"Ms. Anderson...I honestly think Ivy needs help-more help than I can give her. She's a danger to herself can't you see that? I'm going t-"

"You're not going to do anything."

My Mom's voice was firm and carried its own eerie feeling.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Evans said in a much smaller voice than before.

"I'll send you the check for the rest of this month's sessions however as of today I would like to terminate our contract. I'll call into the practice and inform them of this. Thank you for all of your help and have a nice day."

She didn't even let Dr. Evans reply before she ended the call and I watched as she lent over me and did so. My brain was so disconnected from the situation I found it hard to justify whether it had actually happened or not.

My Mom stood up straight, smoothing the crinkles out of her blouse and attempting to tame her hair. She concentrated on it as if it was the hardest thing ever to do and considered every crease she smoothed and every hair that fell out of line. Watching her just made my heart beat faster like it was a ticking time bomb ready to explode.

There was no explosion.

No fire of any kind.

Instead, the explosion was more like icy water running down my spine which felt ten times worse.