Obnoxious Oxygen

Chapter Forty Three

A gasp escaped my throat after I heard what he said. The drug was his. He owns it. I studied him closely and I still can't get him to look at me. I'm not good in determining lies, I have this thing in me that I choose to trust people's words. It may sometimes cause me either good or bad.

I know he wasn't liar but right now, I was hoping against hope that he is. That it was just a forgery of truth. I can't bring myself to believe that Oxygen will do such thing. I know he wasn't the type of person that will impress other people, all his redeeming qualities were kept safe deep under him. Only those who cares to seek will find it. I was one of the few.

"Hindi sa'yo iyon,"

"Ma, I wasn't a liar. It was mine. Those pictures they set as an evidence, those were true. I'm distributing drugs. I'm dealing with those people because of illicit drugs."

Every words I'm hearing from him makes my heart weaker. I feel like my hope was a fragile seed and he's breaking it without an effort.

Tita Moana didn't say anything, she continued listening to his tales with a wooden face. Like she's trying to comprehend. Trying so hard to understand.

"This can't make me lie," he muttered a curse turning to Tito Exodus. "Walang may kasalanan nito, I am the only one responsible for this. Naging pabaya ako."

Silent tears made its way down my eyes, I still couldn't imagine he would do that. We were always together, how come I'd miss it? Half of me is starting to believe all that he's saying but the other half still hold onto that little hope that this isn't true. He's my Oxygen, if they could easily believe he's on drugs, I couldn't.

"No," I tightened my grip on his hand.

He slowly pulled his hand away, finally looking at me. Meeting his eyes wasn't easy for me right now, the pain in there makes my heart swell with a sea of tears. "I wasn't a saint, baby. I'm a sinner."

"We all are," was my immediate reply through my broken voice. I want him to understand that he's not as bad as he think he is. I want him to see himself the way I'm seeing him. "Don't make it sound like you're the worst person who have ever lived, you are not."

"Nasasabi mo 'yan dahil mahal mo ko-"

"Nasasabi ko 'to dahil kilala kita." I corrected him. "Dahil nagtitiwala ako sa'yo. Naniniwala ako sa mga kaya at hindi mo kayang gawin. Oxygen, 'wag mo naman maliitin yung sarili mo. People who knows you might not speak high of you but for those who care for you, every word would be different. Pahalagahan mo naman 'yung sarili mo kasi mahalaga ka sa akin, sa amin."

He blinked a couple of times and I saw a flicker of joy in his eyes. It was as if the idea of me trusting him makes him happy despite everything that is happening now. I was just telling the truth, us humans are all sinners. Even in the most angelic minds there's a devilish thoughts. Dad had told me when I was young that a church is the hospital for sinners not a museum for saints. I'm glad I somehow made sense.

"I love you, Oxygen." And I'm trying my best to be strong for you.

There's a hope in his eyes when it magnets on mine once more. I don't know what's that for but by the way his lips opened and closed again, made me think that he wants to say something he's not sure how.

"Didn't I deserve to get a response?" I joked a little.

Finally, he cracked a smile. "Would you still love me the same if I told you I killed someone?"