PUT YOUR BLOOD ON ICE; DRINK OF PARADISE
Lili Reinhart and Cole Sprouse met through filming for the show Riverdale, and have been close friends since. Whenever she kisses him, sparks fly, and she has dreams of falling in love. But he'll never return...
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I always let you down
We danced in silence for the longest time, to a slow sad song. I could feel him breath against my shoulder, his arms wrapped carefully like I was made of fragile glass.
He smelt of rain.
It was just like the last time, when we were kissing on set. Except this was more private, and no one was watching. In my mind, Niki had disappeared- vanished. There was no one but us.
I look up at him, brushing away the blonde wisps and curls that hung loosely, getting in my eyes.
"Remember that night when I asked why you liked her?"
And his eyes are closed but I know he's thinking, and then they flutter open after a second, as if he has thought of something.
He nods but doesn't say a word, so I continue.
"I just have one last question for you, Cole. Can you promise to answer honestly?"
The music has softened, almost as if playing a lullaby to a child. There are others among us, dancing and twirling but in this moment we are solemn, and all the commotion is white noise.
"Did you never love me?"
He doesn't answer, but his hands release me and I almost tumble over the heels. I take a step back and feel my breath hitch. Why had I even ask him that? What a dumb question, when I already had the answer. His reaction was good enough.
The tears come easy and I turn away so he doesn't see them, but I need to say it before I can stop myself, if it's the last thing I ever tell him. He has to know.
My words trip and collide over one another, and I feel as if I might as well be speaking in a different language. My voice is high, and I'm in tears.
"Because I've always had these feelings for you, and they drive me crazy. Everyday all I think about is if you think about me, and obviously I'm not perfect, but why can't you see the good in me?
A day does not go by which I do not dream about what could have happened to us, and now you're marrying some girl who's amazing, but why isn't it me?
I love you, Cole. I will never stop loving you, and wishing or wondering if things turned out the way I wanted. Even if you and Niki have children and then you two grow old together, in my universe, it doesn't have to be."
His eyes are wide, wider than usual and I know I've said too much, but it's not the look on his face, the small ring on his finger that hurts.
It's the silence. We can never be together.
He always let me down. And I, him. But I keep going back to him, in broken pieces and parts, trying to find answers and if he still wants me.
Now I know that he doesn't.
You're shattered on the ground still I find you here, next to me
