A Continuation of The Journals Nobody Reads

A Waste of Everyone's Time

Casey

I can't save everyone.

The only words I manage to type on the screen glare out at me, forcing their way into my eyes, my soul. Forcing me to acknowledge the truth. 

And what good was I if I couldn't even save one person, in my haste to help everyone who needed me?

I don't know what my priorities are any more. I don't know who I would save first, if everyone I loved was hanging over a cliff. Not that there would be much time to choose one out of all the people I love.

I don't know if things will get better, I don't know how to help my human family, I don't know how to make things better, or whether or not they even need to get better. Maybe I'm just delusional, or going through a phase.

Whatever it is, it has to end sometime, right?

Follow your own advice. Things always get better, there's always a light at the end of the darkness. So why couldn't I see it? Believe in it?

I don't know if everything's okay, I don't know how I feel. I don't even know how to keep going. If it was a race, a track, a sport, it would be simpler. Keep running. Take one more step, one more breath, repeat.

Physical exertion isn't so bad. At least that is satisfying.

I don't know how I'm going to survive the next week, or the week after, or the year after that, or the year after that.

And the only reason I don't want to sleep is because, even with all the nightmares I have, I don't want to have to leave reality only to wake back up to it again in a few hours.

I don't know what to do, I don't know anything.