A Continuation of The Journals Nobody Reads

One More Thing

Casey

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

I didn't have the energy to do anything other than bash my head into the wall; I couldn't even do that. I was just falling over repeatedly, and the wall just happened to stop my fall each time. I kept my ears laid back to stop them from getting scratched or bruised.

Finally I just stopped and leaned with my forehead against the wall. Everything hurt. Not just the fact that Luna left, not just my inability to cope without Kara; I mean everything. It hurt that my parents weren't home at the moment, it hurt that I couldn't get my homework or college apps done for lack of focus, it hurt that I had to go to school tomorrow.

Everything was just a hassle now. Just a task to be completed. I couldn't even enjoy fucking playing Pokemon video games with my brother anymore; they were too much work. Pathetic. I closed my eyes. I'm just pathetic. 

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to cry; if I cried I had to hide from everyone else in the house until I got myself under control again. 

Pathetic.

I tried to block the voice out, but I couldn't. I never could. 

I wasn't even thinking about the blade; I didn't even have the energy or emotion enough to cut. There had to be something to break me out of this. 

It hadn't occurred to me until afterwards that showing Kara this form meant losing the ability to remain anonymous- my form had settled, and I'd quickly learned to stop trying to shift into anything other than a huge-pawed, fluffy german shepherd-timber wolf mix. So I couldn't even go over there anymore. She would know it was me.

Then again, it is easier to block people out of your mind in your alter form.

I opened my eyes again. I didn't have to be Casey around her; I could withdraw. Sure, she'd still know, but it wouldn't change anything. She'd look for Casey, but only get a wolfdog.

Better not.

I ignored that thought. I'd had the chance to go to Ohio today with my family; of course I'd said "yes", right before the car refused to come to life. Apparently I wasn't meant to see her today.

"JOY!!!"

Oh yeah. One more thing.

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