all these families and I still become a Hemmings. (NL) (5sos)

Just A Little Rant.

What people think I am:
-strong
-happy
-loving life
-having a good life.
-a good student
-sporty
-a good friend
-social
-hardworking

What people make me feel I am:
-weak
-sad
-hating life
-only getting good grades to make others happy, okay I do like the study I am on right now, but literally people push me, I can't skip one day. I can't not make homework.
-sporty, it's a get away, it's four hours a week not included the traveling, that's another three hours, just to have time for myself.
-friends? Honestly what are those? I only have people who act nice to me and when I need them I cannot find them anywhere in my life.
-social? Yeah I love to meet others, just because they don't fully know me so they cannot judge me, if anyone knows what the actual fuck I am going through, they'll leave me, just like they all did.
-I work yeah, just because I need money so I can go live on my own. I need money to study. I need money to pay my trampolining classes. I need money to live my life, trampolining is my get away, school used to be also, but then my dad called them and now they're talking about me without telling me about it. They're literally talking behind my back, my teachers and my dad.
-depressed, there's not a day in my life I don't feel like "okay if I die now I'm happy with it." and "let's take a moment for myself because I do not want to break down crying and fucking other people up.

But here I fucking am, on my vacation in Greece with my dad and his girlfriend. At breakfast day 5 out of 12 they start asking me what's wrong, I just have a stomach problem, just a tad bit on the edge of puking, not hungry and tired. And yes that's because I don't feel well, but I don't want them to know. They know too much even though they know not much about me. I don't want them because I'll hurt them.

I fucking hate this and I wanna go home...

Save me before I save myself.

If I have to save myself I don't know if it will end up well.