Oblivious (Soonsol/ Hansoon)

Chapter 17 (Say the name)

(I haven't updated in awhile, sorry!  I've been having more inspiration for Writers Block than Oblivious but I found some pre-written scenes in my notebook so here you go!)

  Soonyoung was never the type to have nightmares often.  But ever since the incident, things had been a little different.  Well, a little might be an understatement.  He was irrationally scared of things like loud noises or a phone ringing.  Anything that reminded him of that night.  He'd just freeze up or worse, start panicking.  Hansol seemed to be the only one who could bring him out of his panic attacks.  And tonight his dreams forced him back onto the stage, back into the chaos that his life had become.  It seemed that even sleep didn't provide sanctuary anymore.

  Soonyoung was looking into the audience of faceless, silent people.  He was alone on the stage.  The other members were behind the curtain.  They had left him alone here and the people's smooth faces were all turned toward him, waiting.  One raised a gun.  The sound was louder than anything he'd ever heard before.  Mouths formed in those faceless heads, opened wide, screaming.  Shrieking.  Soonyoung covered his ears as he fell.  The girl with the gun was standing over him now, nothing but a mouth decorating the skin where her face should have been.  Smiling or grimacing, he couldn't tell.  Either way, it was sickening.  A gaping hole opened up in the stage like a huge pair of jaws and he fell into the blackness. . . 

  He woke with a start, sitting bolt upright.  He couldn't shake the fearful feeling from the dream.  It had been so terrifying and he felt panic rising up in him, even though he knew it was irrational.  No, Soonyoung thought.  Not again!  I won't panic again!  He was breathing hard, trying to hold back the tears.  And Hansol there in a flash; he always knew when something was wrong.  He came and sat next to Soonyoung, pulling him into a hug.

  "Shh, it's okay."  Soonyoung felt safe in Hansol's arms.  "It's okay," Hansol repeated softly.  "It's okay to cry."

  Once the tears started flowing, they wouldn't stop.  The sobs took over Soonyoung's body.  Emotions washed over him like waves, but whether it was relief or fear, he didn't know.  There was a lot he didn't know these days.  The future was more uncertain than he could ever remember it being.

  Tears tumbled down Soonyoung's cheeks, soaking into the front of Hansol's shirt.  Hansol pulled Soonyoung closer, whispering comforting words in his ear.

  "Everything's okay.  It was just a dream, don't worry.  I'm here for you, always."

  Soonyoung's fingers gripped Hansol's shirt tightly.  He was curled into a ball with his head resting against Hansol's chest.  His body shook with sobs as Hansol's hands combed through his hair and rubbed his back comfortingly.  Eventually, the crying subsided.

  "I hate this," Soonyoung mumbled.  "I'm messed up.  I hate myself."  His voice was tinted with an utterly defeated tone that he had using much too often, lately.  He never used to be like this.  What Hansol wanted most in world was for Soonyoung to smile again like he used to.

  "You're not messed up," Hansol assured.  "I love you no matter what, you know that, right?"  A few minutes passed when neither of them spoke, Soonyoung just trying to steady his frantic breathing.

  "Hansol. . ." he said shakily, "can you stay with me?  I don't want to be alone. . ."

  "Of course.  I won't let you be alone."  He crawled under the blankets and wrapped his arms around Soonyoung again.  Soonyoung curled up with his forehead touching  Hansol's chest.  Hansol didn't let himself fall asleep until Soonyoung's breathing became slow and rhythmic.

  As Hansol studied his boyfriend's sleeping face, he thought of how long it had been since he'd last seen him like that; so completely relaxed.  He was seeing the old Soonyoung again.  The Soonyoung who danced randomly and said stupid things.  This was Hansol's Soonyoung.