Come back

Chapter 11

Shania's P.O.V

I stared at the grave. Or, better said, I tried to stare at it through my tears. Why did my mother have to force me to come here? Didn't she see that I did not want to be here? Didn't she care? I was hurting, grieving, feeling guilty about everything and going to the cemetery was the last thing I wanted to do. Like, absolutely last. But I hadn't been asked what I wanted and my mother had simply dragged me here and left me there, saying that she'd come back to pick me up in two hours. What did she expect me to do there all that time?

Stare at her grave all the time?

Look at other graves?

Take a two hour walk in the cemetery?

Talk to the old man in yellow?

None of those things were something I wanted to do, and yet I'd probably have to end up doing one of them, preferably not the last one. Luck mustn't have been on my side because right at that moment I heard a familiar voice that I had only heard one time.

"You're back?"

I groaned and turned around to face the old man.

"As you can see," I answered, wincing at my tone: I hadn't meant to snap at him. "Sorry, I'm a bit on edge, I didn't mean to snap at you."

He smiled kindly and understandingly. "It's okay, I understand. Would you like some tea? I don't think that standing here, looking at miss Leonora's grave is the best thing for you."

With those words he turned around and started walking to a building that was at one end of the cemetery. I followed him, not really having anything else to do. And he was also right. Standing there in front of her grave wouldn't help me. All the opposite. This made me think of Hiroki. He had been coming here every single day. Did that help him? Did that make him feel more at ease with what had happened? I sighed, realizing that I didn't know the answers because I had never asked him. Because I had been to caught up in my own pain. Because it had been somehow impossible to care enough to ask, although my mind told me to ask. How could that be possible? I loved him. He was my boyfriend. I had been planning to propose to him. He was the person I cared the most for. And yet.... and yet I hadn't even managed to ask him why he went to the cemetery every day.

"Stop thinking and come in."

I jumped at the man's voice and hurried up to join him. I had been so lost in thought that I had stopped walking to stare into the emptiness. Once I was inside I looked around, surprised at how tidy everything was. I hadn't expected a place where a man dressed in yellow lived to be so tidy and.... normal. That was what surprised me the most. His clothes were in a way extravagant and yet this place was all the opposite, it was completely and utterly normal. I immediately told myself to stop judging people by how they dressed, it wasn't fair to them, and decided to simply look around. Had Hiroki been here? Did he see this place before? Or had he just talked to the man outside?

"Here, sit down," he told me, making a vague gesture towards the couch.

I sat down and watched him make the tea, surprised to see two cups. I hadn't even said that I wanted one, but I guessed that me following him inside was like an agreement to also drink his tea. And if Hiroki had been here, he'd probably have drunk this tea, no? At least by drinking this tea I could be a bit closer to him.

"Here you go, young miss," the man in yellow said while putting a cup of tea in front of me and sitting down on the other side of the small table. I smiled in thanks and took a small sip, burning my tongue as I didn't expect it to be so hot. I welcomed the pain though, the pain grounding me and reminding me that I deserved to suffer for what had happened, for what I had let happen, for what I had caused.

We sat there in silence for a while, both sipping our tea. After a while I couldn't stand it anymore and I spoke up.

"Sir, what should I call you?" I asked, sincerely curious as to what this man's name was.

"Please call me Christopher. And I suppose that you're Shania? Mister Hiroki mentioned that his girlfriend's name is Shania, if I remember correctly."

"Yes, it's Shania...." I was really surprised that Hiroki had said what my name was. But then I realized that he'd probably told this man, Christopher, what happened, so my name would've come up.

Thinking about him made me break down in tears once more, much to my horror, as I didn't want to show my weakness in front of anyone.

"It's okay to cry, miss Shania, just let it all out." He spoke in a soothing voice, his tone also saying that it was okay to cry. "Crying is necessary in the process of grief, even if you don't want to."

That made me angry. How could he tell me what was necessary and what wasn't? What did he know about grief?

I realized, to my great horror, that I had said that aloud when he answered.

"I know more than you think...."

🥢🥢

Hi there lovelies!😊

Sorry for such a crappy chapter, I've been writing it for like one thousand years, writing one sentence here and there. I hope that it at least makes some sense😅

Anyway, I'm dying of heat right now and I'm becoming a small puddle. Anyone else in that case as well?

Aaaaaanyway, I'm already working on the next chapter, and get ready for some serious crying. You'll probably need a box of tissues. (I sure do need one while writing it😭😭🤧🤧)

Have a good day/night/evening!💖