Smarty | A Curtis Sister Story

10

My nights haven't gotten any better. The night terrors I've been experiencing have been heart-wrenching. I'm constantly awake, scared of the black of my eyelids. I lie awake for hours night after night. It's the worst thing that could possibly happen to me is happening right now. 

My concussions seemed to get better. The light doesn't bother me as much anymore, and I now brush away the loudness of the boys. At least something's getting better for me.

Last night's nightmare was the worst one I've ever experienced. A lot of the time, Mom and Dad come into my dreams. Most of the time they're dead, or dying. This time, they were shot dead, and my anxiety shot through the roof. I was having a panic attack when I woke up, but I made sure to be quiet and breathe, something I remembered from the doctor. I didn't want to wake up the other boys.

I'm not allowed back at school yet and I'm starting to get really bored at home everyday. It seems like everyone's gone all the time. There's not much you can do when everything hurts your brain.

Darry's making me join Soda and Steve to the DX today. I have to be up in a few hours to go. I've already been awoken tonight, so I'll be ready.

I walk out to the living room, I can't lay in my bed anymore. I brought some paper and my colored pencils, planning to draw something. I quietly sneak onto the porch, and sit on the step. I quickly and noiselessly run to get a blanket; it was cold tonight.

The stars are so pretty to draw. I've done many designs of the night sky; I draw when I can't sleep. You can imagine how many sketches I have made these past few days. My favorite method is with distorted colors, like I'd color the sky pink and the grass yellow. I want to do a real picture this time, a real depiction of the Earth's many wonders. Shading and coloring usually clear my mind, like an enchantment. It's working it's magic right now.

I love changing the whiteness of the paper. Color makes things brighter, much better than black and white. It gives caricatures life, makes them more realistic. I love capturing things on any type of parchment. It's always been something I love to do. Mom used to tell me stories of how I would draw on things all the time when I was little. One time I even drew on Darry's seventh grade homework. Yikes. 

I could draw for hours, and before I knew it I was done. The once white paper was filled with colorful shading and stars that looked as if they were shining. I decided to now pencil the newly rising sun. It's even prettier than the stars sometimes. Our love for the sky is something Pony and I share. One of the many things we have in common. 

I was almost finished with the background when I heard the house creak. Darry must be awake, going to take a shower. I don't go inside, I figure he could see me through the transparent screen door. I just keep drawing.

Silence fills the air again. I think this is why I love nighttime and sunrises; the world stops for its beauty. No honking horns or people hustling in the late hours of the night, no human disruptions; just silence and perfection. More people should notice these types of things; they're too busy with their own lives too see the beautiful things right in front of them. What a shame.

I feel somebody standing behind me. "That's beautiful." Soda compliments, sitting down next to me. He was still wearing his pajamas, a white T-shirt and a pair of old shorts. I remember the blanket draped around me, he must be freezing.

"Thanks Soda." I say, finishing it up: adding extra shading to some places and thicker lines to others.

"Ya know, you're always smiling when you're drawing." He points out.

I look up, "Really?" I never noticed.

"Yeah," He answers, "thats why I like to watch you draw. You're so happy, without a care in the world." He laughs at my newly pink cheeks.

"Well now I'm embarrassed." I say. "Why do you watch me? That's creepy." My words were irritable sounding. I couldn't help it, I haven't slept much. He doesn't seem to notice.

Somebody opens the door behind us, and we both turn around to see who it was. "Come inside, it's cold. You'll freeze." Darry slams the screen door behind him. That marks the end of the silent world. 

———

After a long day of greeting people at the DX, giving them fake cheerfulness and smiles, I was exhausted. But, I knew I would have a long night ahead of me.

You would think that being exhausted would make it easier to sleep, sleep without dreaming, but no. Actually, it just makes me more tired. I don't feel rested after I sleep anymore. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but there has to be something. I honestly hope there is something, so the doctor can just give some pills and I can sleep soundly again. But, with my luck, that's not going to happen. 

I turn over to my clock, it was eleven-thirty. I sigh, I'm so fatigued. I thought about getting up to draw again when I heard something tap on my window. I turn towards the other side of my room, away from the window. A pit forms in my stomach. What if it's a robber, or someone else coming to do something horrible to me?

Tap after tap I heard. I was getting annoyed at whoever it was, so I pushed my fear aside and looked. "Miguel?" I whispered, opening up my window.

"Can we talk?" He asks me.

"Right now?" I answer.

"Yeah." He says. "Open your window more." I do as I'm told. My room isn't that high off the ground, so he climbs in easily. He crawls through the wide window, and almost falling. I sniffle a laugh as he gets up, brushing himself off.

"Look Smarty," he says, "I'm sorry. For what I said. It's too fast for that. For the record, I meant it. But, I guess you don't feel that way. It's okay. I just came to ask if I could have you back. You're so great and I miss you and I'm sad I lost somethin' as great as you." He pauses, a true look of apology glazes his eyes, "What do ya say?"

"Look Miguel, I was stupid. I shouldn't have run out like that, it was extremely rude. I think I was just scared of what I love you means." I whisper. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was one hundred percent sure about something. "But, I'm sad I lost you too. And I think I love you."

A huge smile appears on his face. "I love you too." He says. He kisses me. The goosebumps appear on my skin again. Oh, how I missed that feeling

"Smarty," Miguel finally says, "why haven't you been at school?"

"I got a concussion." I explain. "I was playing football with the gang and I fell off the side of cliff and hit my head on some branches."

"Oh, that sounds terrible. Why didn't you tell me?" He asks me.

I was just about to confess to him that my brothers hate him, and that they said I'm not allowed to see him again. But, I can't. Miguel is a good person, he would respect their wishes and break up with me. I don't want that. "I don't know. I needed to get my feelings in order, and I couldn't do that with you here I guess."

"Oh, that makes sense." He tells me. I smile, he understands.

He quickly glances at my alarm clock, his eyes widened. "Shoot, I gotta go home. My mom's gonna flip."

He almost starts to climb out of the window before he stops. He turns around to me. "I almost forgot. Goodbye, I love you." And then he kisses me again. "Man, I love the sound of that."

I smile at his adorableness while he steps out into the night. The familiar but lost butterflies have reappeared. I left my window open, and got under my covers. For the first time in what seems like forever, I willingly closed my eyes to sleep.