Muted

Chapter 7

When we arrived at the school, I jumped out of the car. I walked to the door and realized that I left my school stuff in Riley’s car. I felt a tap on my back. “Dammit Sadie, didn’t you get my texts? Also, thought you’d need this.” He handed me my backpack. I took it and walked away. “Sadie, we have to talk about what happened yesterday. Riley’s a mess and I didn’t sleep.” I kept walking and walked up to my locker. I opened my locker and put some of my books into it. I kept walking and didn’t stop until I got to my Calculus class. I sat down. Monroe walked in and tried talking to me. “Sadie, come on. Listen to me! Goddammit! Sadie, listen to me!” He punched the desk. The bell rang. “Monroe, I have to ask you to leave, now.” My teacher said. He stormed out of the room. I sat in the classroom and stared at my notebook, trying to disappear.

The day went slowly. At lunch time, Dan dragged me over to the table where Laine, Monroe, Riley and Hannah were all sitting. “Hey, guys” Dan started. “I know I haven’t been your favorite person lately, but I realized something, I was using drugs as an escape. I was hiding behind athletics. Guys, I’m gay.” I swear their jaws all dropped to the ground. “Dan, you are the chick magnet, you can’t be gay.” Monroe said. “Guys, I’m one hundred percent sure of it. I know that I’m gay.” Monroe stood up. “Dude, I’m proud of you.” He patted Dan on the back. “That means more girls for me.” Dan chuckled. “Now, Sadie, there is a small matter to discuss.” Monroe walked towards me. I took out my white board. ‘Yeah, later, I have homework to finish.’ I turned and walked upstairs to the library.

I finished The Scarlet Letter. I looked around. There were only a few people in the library. I decided to walk back to the stacks and find a book or two to read.

I ignored Hannah and Laine in English. The one thing that I couldn’t ignore was Mr. Halone. He was basically hanging all over Laine. He even commented on her looks. “Elaine, is that even school-appropriate.” I sat next to Hannah who, out of habit, nudged me when he made the comment towards her outfit. she gave me a note, too. ‘Sadie, I really don’t care what happened between you, Riley and Monroe yesterday. Honestly, things do happen. I’m really concerned about Laine though. I think that he is using her as an object not a human. I don’t think he really loves her.’ ‘I agree, she’s also very testy and is dressing slutty.’ ‘OMG! What if she’s preggo?’ ‘You mean pregnant?’ ‘Yeah, that would kill her family and he would lose his job!’ ‘That’s absolutely terrible!’ We kept passing notes the rest of the class, Mr. Halone only stared at Laine anyway. It was like he was thinking of things to do to her. I don't even want to venture a guess as to what was going on in his head.

In art, I began my canvas. I began to sketch the prison on the canvas. I made sure that the prison looked scary. The art teacher came over. “Sadie, your idea is, um, grotesque. I like it, but maybe you should make it a bit, more, appropriate." I went back to sketching and was thinking of ways to make it better. I didn't exactly care how gross my painting was, I just wanted to get my feelings out. I actually was so caught up in my work that I didn’t hear the bell ring. I walked to my locker and was prepared to walk home when I saw my mother’s car. “Sadie, get in. Your brother’s in the hospital. He was feeling sick so I brought him to the doctor. They are running tests on him now. They don’t think that it’s that bad, but since he has such a weak body, they want to make sure he’s okay.” I got into the passenger’s seat and my mom sped off to the hospital. I haven’t seen much of my siblings in the past few days. I’ve been preoccupied for a bit. Carlie was in the back seat playing with her dolls, unaware to the whole situation. My mom parked in the parking garage and we all ran to his room. There was a doctor waiting there for us. “Hi, I’m Doctor Jane Rosebaum, I’m Casey’s Doctor. His hemoglobin is pretty low, so we have reason to believe he has anemia. We will begin him on a high iron diet and possibly iron supplements. We are also exploring his kidneys. They are not functioning at the level they should. It could be due to his paralyzation or maybe a different injury. We need to do a few more tests until we are sure.” My mom took a deep breath. “Okay, everything will be okay.” Those were the first reassuring words that ever came out of her mouth.

Casey was asleep on the hospital bed. We were waiting for the doctor to come back with more results. “I met a new guy. He’s a lawyer for the disabled and also is fluent in American Sign Language. His name is George and he refuses to let me drink any alcohol.” I clapped for my mother. Casey stirred and my mom got up and pushed his hair out of his face. “Mommy, when can I go home?” “Soon honey, the doctors say that you’ll be fine.” He sighed. “But Mommy, Dora’s on tv and I’m missing her!” I turned on the tv and changed the channel to channel 47. He clapped. “Dora!” Carlie even joined him. My mom sat back down.

The doctor said that Casey has Chronic Kidney Disease. He would be able to go home soon, but they wanted to put him on observation for a bit.

My mom and I took Carlie home. She was sleeping by the time we got home. “Hey, I’m going to be gone for a while. I’ve got a job offer and I need to do training for it. I know it’s a bad time, but I need a new job. I don't like being a telemarketer. George will be with you guys for a bit. He’s a nice guy. He’s promised to pick you and Carlie up from school, help me find a tutor for Casey and Carlie and take you and Carlie to visit Casey. I’ll only be gone for a week. ” I nodded. I saw our house lights were on. “George must be here.” ‘Get ready to meet the first serious relationship your mother has every had.’

I took Carlie into the house and saw a strange man with brown hair. He was wearing a purple sports jacket and a white shirt with black pants. He was holding flowers. “Hello, I’m George Metcal. You must be Sadie and Carlie.” I nodded. “You better put Carlie down.” My mom said. I went to her bedroom and put her under the covers. She was fast asleep. I kissed her goodnight and walked back to the living room.

George and my mother were sitting next to each other. “So, your mother tells me that you don’t talk.” I nodded. “That’s odd. Was she born mute?” My mother shook her head. “No, she hasn’t talked since her first year of high school.” “Did something happen to her?” “Yes, but we don’t like to discuss it, it brings up bad memories.” 'Yeah, like you'd know what happened to me. I haven't told a single person.' He patted her back like it was her burden. “Sadie, why don’t you go to bed? I’m sure you didn’t sleep well last night.” I nodded. I made my way to my room. I turned on the light and sat in the bed.

It didn’t feel like my life anymore. I couldn't stay in my bed again. I never had real friends who accepted me and my silence and I couldn't stand to argue with the one person who is willing to help me. I made a decision. I climbed out my window and ran across the yard. I knew Riley would still be at rehearsal and their parents cars weren't there. I knocked on the door. He answered. He was shirtless. "Sadie." I put my head down. "I forgive you." He grabbed my hand. "Follow me."

He lead me up to his bedroom. It was painted blue and he had hung many posters up of his favorite bands. He sat me down on his bed. "Sadie, I know there is something wrong with you, but I need to say something first. Since you came here, I've been so confused. I hate fighting with you and all I want to do is be with you. Can I kiss you?" I nodded and he gently pecked me on the lips. I pulled away. "I have wanted to do that for so long." He kissed me with so much force that it hurt. "I love you." He said. "If you loved me, you'd let me go." "I would never let you go." "What's wrong?" He asked as he wiped away an escaped tear. I shook my head, wiped my tears, and hugged him.

"Show me the scars again." He demanded. He pulled off my shirt. "Such beautiful skin destroyed." He felt them and stared intently as if hoping they were fake. "The scars on your back; they weren’t caused by you, were they?" I shook my head. He picked me up and laid me on the bed. He went on top of me. "What are you doing? "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm fucking ready to fuck you." I curled up in a ball as he climbed on top of me. “Sadie, come here.” He said motioning to the spot next to him. I heard him whisper to himself: “I was right.”

We just laid in each other's arms. He was so muscular and I felt a sense of security when his arms were around me. I didn't worry about him or my mom or my brother. For the first time since freshman year, I felt safe.