Muted

Chapter 21

The next few days were a blur. I woke up in a hospital. They had bandaged my wrists and pumped my stomach. I was sleeping a lot.  I never wanted to move. I saw Dr. Allen on the first day, but then I didn’t see him again. I picked up on fragments of the conversation between Dr. Allen and someone else. "She should come back to WPF." "No, she should be placed in my facility. They will be there until we are sure she is not a harm to herself." The other doctor said. When I finally had regained my full consciousness, I figured out where I was. I was outside town in an adolescent treatment facility. I had failed. I am still a threat to everyone. I broke down crying. Someone walked into my room. She was the stereotypical depressed girl: black hair, dark make-up and so on. “I’m your roommate, Grace.” “Hi.” I muttered. “Get over it. You’ll be out here soon enough. Just take your meds and eat. Basically, it’s what they want.” Grace said, as if she didn't believe it. I nodded. “Stop crying. You look terrible. “I’m crying because I failed. I tried to die because it was the best thing for me to do. I wouldn’t have been harm to anyone if I had died.” I cried. “Listen, there are therapists here who can fix your issues. I’m sure one of them can solve your self esteem issue.” “No, there’s actually a guy trying to kill me.” “Paranoia too? Well, they love problematic kids.” I slapped my head. “I’m the girl from the news. I was kidnapped by a psychopathic murderer and now he’s coming after me and my family!” She looked at me and then left the room. A doctor came in twenty minutes later. “I’m Dr. Schrift. I was told that you are being paranoid and crazy. I think it’s time you and I talked. You’ve barely moved in four days.”

She sat down on Grace’s bed. “I read your letter. I am well updated on your current situation. Killing yourself is not the way to get away from a murderer. The justice system will handle that, Sadie.” “What even happened to me? Who found me?” I asked. “A young boy named Daniel found you less than an hour after you had attempted suicide. He was checking in on you because he wanted to make sure that you were okay. He found you and the note.” “How do you know how long it was?” I asked. “We guessed from the amount of blood and your mother said you turned off the lights about an hour ago.” I nodded. “This boy was worried about you. He called an ambulance right away. He was scared. So from your note, I assume that this is the Dan who had taken drugs?” I nodded. “He seems very nice.” I smiled. “He’s kind of the gay best friend we all want.” She smiled. “You seem to have a great support system.” “I do, but it’s hard when they get angry at you.” “Sadie, people get angry. It’s a part of life.” “I know.” “Now, tell me about Monroe.” “Monroe? Well, he’s my boyfriend.” “And?” “He’s a sweet person and a true gentleman. I knew that from the second I saw him that we would click.” “Anything else?” “Well, he was my almost sexual encounter.” “There we go. You said that other men had forced you to sleep with them even though you didn’t want to.” “Yes, they all wanted me to be their doll, and I’m not. I’m a human being, not an object used for sexual pleasure!” She nodded. “Now, Sadie, was Monroe different?” “Yes, he stopped when I said to.” “There’s a true man. Now, what about Dan?” “What about him?” “You said he was a good friend. Did you ever have feelings towards him?” “I don’t know!” I put my head under my pillow. “I’m not going away Sadie. You have a psychological problem and I am here to fix it. You have to tell me everything.” I stayed silent. “I’ll be back later, but for now, at least go eat lunch.”

I went to the cafeteria to eat. I didn’t know where to sit, so I sat alone. I scarfed down terrible macaroni and cheese and a chocolate tasty cake. It was the most I’ve eaten in forever. I didn’t keep it down. I guess my stomach was still adjusting from the stomach pump. After I had finished vomiting my food into a toilet, I went back to my room. I went right under the covers and tried to fall asleep. I couldn’t though. My mind was filled with thoughts of Riley, Monroe, Ren and Dan. I was so focused that I didn’t realize that the doctor was in the room. “Now, shall we continue?” She said. “Ren was a psychopath you say?” “Yes, he was.” “Well, what do you think a psychopath is characterized by?” “Umm, charming, violent, way with words.” “Yes, more or less. Ren was all those things?” “Yes, he could charm his way into the leading role or talk his way out of detention. As for violence, take a look at my scars.” She did actually take my arm. “These are from him?” “Yeah, I thought you read the letter.” “I did, but that is just, wow. He actually did this?” I nodded. “He’s a freaking psychopath! I used to think of it as I was his wood and he was the carver.” “Did he want to become an architect?” “I’m not sure. He was very good with carving and he knew his way around the wood.” “So, is that why you compared yourself to wood?” “Yes.” “I see your point.” She picked up my arm again. “Are they anywhere else on your body?” “They’re everywhere.” I showed her my legs and my stomach. My back was covered in scars as well. “My God! This was torture! Physical abuse! Was that the only thing he did to you?” “You know what happened! He raped me and drugged me and locked me up in a cage as if I was a dog! He shot the one I loved and ran over my brother! He silenced me and threatened to kill me! Forgive me for wanting it all to be over! I wanted to get away from this torture! I’m sick of him!” She sat there, still as a mountain. I began to hyperventilate. “Sadie? Are you having a panic attack?” I nodded. She ran out and got a nurse. The nurse gave me a mild sedative to calm me down.

When I was calm enough to reason, the doctor began to diagnose me. “Sadie, your medical records show that you are technically psychologically unstable. Your suicide attempt proves that theory. You have PTSD which is usually triggered by things in your everyday life that remind you of a traumatic event, which I assume would be the kidnapping and the many men that have taken advantage of you. You have anxiety and paranoia, also a result of your kidnapping. You have night terrors, which stems from the experiences that you have had. I also believe that you have depression and anorexia. You’re almost ninety-five pounds!  I’m not sure you should be able to leave soon.” “Hey, I got sick off of the last meal. I did just get my stomach pumped and I’ve been out of it for a few days. Listen, I’m not insane! I had a lot of shit happen to me and you expect me to be perfectly fine? Just give me all the medicine you have to give me and let me earn my way out of here.” “I can’t do that, Sadie. There is something seriously wrong with you. Letting you go could possibly result in you being a danger to yourself or even society.” I started laughing. “So you’re saying that the guy who tried to kill me isn’t a threat to society, but I am because I have anxiety and paranoia and PTSD and depression?” “No, he belongs in jail. Sadie, I don’t think that you should be released into society.” She walked away, leaving me dumbfounded on the floor.

Grace found me collapsed on the floor. “Sadie, are you okay? Well, alive?” I whimpered an incomprehensible word. “What happened? Did they use morphine? They use it sometimes on anxiety stricken patients.” I spilled everything to her: Ren, my foster parent, Dan, Riley, Monroe and my forced decision to remain here. “Wait, so he kidnapped you, raped you, mutilated you and you have to pay? That’s not fair at all. I’ve been here for three months for my borderline personality disorder. I have seen crazy people who should be removed from society. I bet she thinks that you are making it all up.” I nodded. “Probably, it would be the perfect excuse if they didn’t have police evidence against him. I shouldn’t be here.” We both jumped when we heard a knock on our door. “Westbrook police department. Open up!” Grace slowly opened the door. “Can I help you officer?” She said. “I need to talk to Sadie.” “I’ll go see if Terrence wants to play cards.” Grace left the room. “Sadie, we have some news.” “Oh my God, Monroe’s dead. I knew it!” He put an arm on my shoulder. “No, not at all, he is still in a coma. My news was that Ren is pleading insanity. He claims that voices told him to do that stuff.” “Oh, that bastard.” “But the judge may go his way because your psychiatrist said that you could be dangerous to society.” “Just what she wants.” I stood up. “Is there anyway you could get me out of here, or transfer me somewhere else? I think she’s purposely trying to keep me here.” “I can try. Maybe getting a new psychiatrist would help. Do you really want out of here?” I nodded. “I need to speak with a lawyer. Can I please be put back with Dr. Allen?” He sighed. “I don’t like her too much. Not many people ever leave here it seems, and a lot of her patients end up committing suicide. I’ll talk to my superior when I get back. For now, stay safe.”

Grace came back a few minutes later. “What was that about?” “My attacker is pleading insanity and he may win because I can’t get out of here!” I sat down on my bed with my head in my hands. “Listen, I’m sure it will work out in the end. I mean if he is as bad as you have said then he should be locked up. He may not against you, but won’t he lose against your boyfriend?” “Grace, you’re a freaking genius.” “I wouldn’t say genius.” “Well, damn close to it.” I went to the cafeteria. “What’s on today’s schedule?” I asked Grace. “Umm, I think sandwiches or pizza. I’m not sure.” I sniffed the air. “Smells like tacos. I’m a vegetarian, hopefully there are other options.” “I highly doubt it, but go for it.” I ended up getting a salad. “I haven’t eaten in days. I’m starving.” Grace introduced me to her friend. “This is Terrence. He’s my brother.” “I’m Terrence and you are obviously hungry.” I swallowed and wiped my mouth. “I haven’t eaten in days and I just had my stomach pumped.” “Oh, well, understandable as to why you’d be hungry. Yes, I’m Terrence. We’re related by blood.” “I assumed.” “In this day and age, you can’t assume anything anymore.” I laughed. “You got that right.” I took a sip of my water. “So why are you guys here?” I asked. “We both attempted suicide at the same time when our mom’s idiotic boyfriend threatened to kick us out and report us to the police. It was a fucked up situation. We’ve been here for three months. When do we leave?” Grace put her head on the table.