Muted

Chapter 17

A few days later, I got my results back: all negative. I went over to Monroe’s and knocked on his door. When he answered, I leaped into his arms and kissed him. “I’m clean.” I said, but he wasn’t smiling. He put me on the ground. “The doctor called me too. You didn’t tell me that you were once pregnant, with his child.” He hugged me. “I’m sorry Monroe. It’s so hard to think about what he did to me.” “You had a miscarriage.” “Yes, can we not beat it to death?” “Like he did to you?” “Monroe, please.” “Sadie, he killed a person you were carrying. Excuse me for being pissed off at him.” “I can’t change it. Let’s just move on.” We stood in silence for a few minutes. Monroe broke the silence. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Let’s go out.” “Where?” “You’ll see.” He closed the door behind him and unlocked his car. I got in the passenger’s side and buckled up. “You know, you have to wear a blindfold?” I looked at him. “No, okay. I thought it would add to the surprise.” I turned on the radio. The clock read ten twenty-three and the radio was blaring some guy screaming about his ex. He put a CD in. “That song ruins my vibe.” I laugh and look out the window. "You have such a beautiful laugh. It rings like church bells.I'm glad I can hear you now. You're so strong." He began to play a softer type of music that didn’t scream about their ex-girlfriends. I fell asleep staring at the trees.

I woke up to Monroe shaking me. “Hey, Sadie, we’re here.” I got out of the car and gasped. We were on a beach. “My grandparents have a beach house up here that I wanted you to see. I think that you’ll love it.” “I don’t have a swimsuit.” I said, turning to him. “It’s okay, I’ll get you one.” We walked up to the house. I immediately fell in love. “I’m never leaving.” He laughed. The inside was even more breathtaking than the outside. “Seriously, I’m moving in.” He picked me up and kissed me. “I’m sure you’d love to, but it’s not mine to let you live in.” He handed me a bathing suit. It was a two piece blue halter top with a bikini bottom. “Sorry, that was Riley’s before she gained her dance weight back. It’s all I can give you.” “Thanks! It’s no problem anyway. I’m sure I can find a cover up somewhere.” “Woah, a cover up, I’m not sure I’ll allow that.” I threw a towel at him, he threw his t-shirt at me. “Typical horny teenager.” I said under my breath. “What was that? Care to share?” “I called you a horny teen, and I’m keeping your shirt.” “It isn’t insulting if it’s true and fine, I won’t need it anyway.” I laughed. “Now, get out, I need to change.” I pushed him out of the room and put on the bikini. I instantly hated it. I couldn't stare at my scars or my emancipated body. I was so underweight, that I couldn't stand it. I put his shirt on over it. It barely grazed my knees, but it was better than showing Monroe the beautiful marks on my stomach. I walked out of the room. He was waiting on the couch. “I guess you really like my shirt.” He smiled. “I just felt so weird with the scars and everything.” He grabbed my hands. “Sadie, it’s okay. I know that you won’t be completely perfect and that’s why I love you. Your scars make up who you are. I can’t remove them and frankly, you’re still beautiful.” I smiled at him. “Last one to the ocean’s a rotten egg!” He screamed and bolted to the shore. I chased after him. I got there first, but he had other plans. He dragged me in, shirt and all, and soaked me. I glared at him. He just splashed me. It was war.

After our splash fight, we went back inside for something to eat. It was almost four and I was starving. “Let’s go out. There’s a great restaurant up the street.” We went up in our bathing suits, not caring who saw us. We sat down at a booth. Monroe got a burger and I got cheese quesadillas. We shared an order of fries. When we were done, we went back to the house. He suggested that we go into the hot tub. I agreed and took off his shirt. My bathing suit was still damp. He took his shirt off the way guys do, from the back. He came in as well. He pulled me towards where he was sitting. I was on top of him. He kissed me. I pulled away. “Let’s talk.” I said and grabbed his hand. “What’s your favorite color?” He asked. “Hmm, random, but purple.” “Purple? I would have guessed more green or blue.” I shrugged. “I just like the color. You?” “Red, I wanted to dye my hair that color. So, I guess I like it.” The stars were starting to come out. “Hey, let’s go inside. It’s starting to get dark and my grandparents may have a nice house, but refuse to put lights out here.” He helped me get out without slipping. “You go change, I’m going to start a fire outside.” I kissed him and left for the bedroom. I changed into dry clothes. I saw a dress and put it on. It was pink and strapless and had black polka dots on it. It was a little big on me, but I didn’t care. I walked out to see him attempting to start a fire. When he saw me, he dropped the kindling. “Maybe, we should just forget the fire.” I giggled. “But, we can make s’mores. Ooey, gooey s’mores.” He taunted and pulled out two sticks and a bag of marshmallows. I gave him a kiss and stole the marshmallows and a stick.

We were roasting marshmallows and playing a game of truth and dare, but more like just truth. “So, who was your first kiss?” I asked Monroe, because the answer for me was obvious. “Believe it or not, it was Elaine. I felt bad for her, so I kissed her. Your turn, truth or dare.” “Dare.” I said without missing a beat. “Kiss me.” I kissed him and with that kiss, I gave Ian/ Ren a big fuck you.

We had migrated from the fire to the bedroom. “Listen, just tell me to stop.” He was kissing me. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, it was on the other side of the room. He had put his hand up my dress. He slid it over my head. After it was off, I had enough. “Please stop.” And he did. He just wrapped his arms around me and I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up the next morning surrounded by Monroe’s arms. I felt completely safe there. He was looking down at me. “I was waiting for you to wake up.” He gave me a peck on my cheek. I snuggled up into his chest. I felt his muscular arms close around me. “I don’t ever want to leave this spot.” I said. “Same here. I could hold you forever." He kissed me. "You know, we could stay here for a little longer." I looked up at him. "Don't we have to get back though?" "Yeah, but I rather stay here with you." I pushed him off and pulled the blankets close to me. I suddenly couldn't breathe. "Dammit, are you having a panic attack?" I tried to breathe but I couldn't. My heart want racing and I felt like I was dying. He gave me a paper bag and held it while I focused on breathing in and out. "Was it because we almost had sex?" He asked me. I shrugged. Once I caught my breath, I pulled a shirt over my head and stood up. "It's not you, it's just that love isn't a concept that I'm used to. I was raised by a stone cold, alcoholic mother and no father. I was used to foster families trading me back into the system. I was kidnapped by a sex crazed maniac, twice. I just need to get used to feeling wanted." "I know how you feel. My father hurt my mother and I. His son also hurt you. He’s not my father anymore. I no longer associate my life with both sons of bitches.” I gave him a hug. “I’m sorry about everything, Sadie. I wish that I could take it all back. I would love for you to have a normal life and a scarless body, but I can’t do anything about it.” He took my arms and slowly swept his palms over the scars causing goosebumps. He took my hands in his. “Let’s leave! After the trial we can come here. I’ll talk to my grandmother.” “We have college.” “Then we’ll live together in New York!” I started laughing. “What?” “Do you know how much this sounds like a soap opera?” He laughed, too. “Oh, Sadie, I cannot live without you. You must come with me, to a place far away!” He got down on his knees and put his hand to his forehead like a sailor looking for land. I laughed. “Was that dramatic enough?” “I didn’t know I was dating an actor.” I pecked him on the cheek. “Well, surprise, my sister is an actress, so by dating me, you have a direct relationship with an actress.” We walked to his car. He held the door open for me. “Who says that chivalry is dead? He is well alive.” I commented. “Do you want to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts?” “Sure, I am hungry, but I can pay.” “No, it’s okay. I got it.” “Monroe, I can pay five bucks.” “No, I’ll get it.” “At least let me pay half. You’re buying everything for me.” “Fine, but no more, no less.” I ordered a plain bagel with cream cheese and a hot chocolate. “Hot cocoa?” “Yes, I haven’t had it in years.” I said as I sipped the sweet drink. It reminded me of a carefree time