Fall

eleven

eleven | lira

"I'm really sorry, Lee..." he started off. I know he was staring at me, I could feel it. Hindi ko pa kayang salubungin ang tingin niya, lalo pa at ayaw kong makita kung gaano siya nahihirapan dahil sa sitwasyon. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you from her."

Protect me? That's all he has ever done, ang protektahan at alagaan ako. How could he be sorry? I deserved everything that happened.

He reached for my hand at maingat 'yung hinawakan. "Celine and I already talked. Inamin ko na sa kaniya."

Kumabog bigla ang dibdib ko sa sobrang kaba, napatingin ako sa kaniya. "P-Paul..."

"You don't have to worry anymore, Lee." He smiled at me softly, and that smile alone seemed to have made me feel a lot better.

"A-Ano'ng sabi niya?"

"Sabi niya sana raw maging masaya tayo."

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o mas kakabahan sa sagot niya. From how Celine acted no'ng kaming dalawa lang, I know she's not the kind na basta lang magpaparaya. "Hi-hindi ba siya... nagalit?"

"Of course she got mad. Pero naiintindihan niya naman daw." He played with my hand at ngumiti sa'kin.

How could he be so calm about this? How could he take this lightly?

"Wala na tayong dapat ipag-alala, Lee. Wala na kami ni Celine, wala ka nang dapat ikatakot."

"Pero mali, Paul, e. Mali." Binawi ko 'yung kamay ko sa kaniya. "Hindi dapat ganito. Kahit na sinong babae, masasaktan sa nangyari. Celine can't just take it as it is." I got down from the bed. Agad din siyang tumayo at naglakad patungo sa harapan ko.

"Lee..." muli niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko na agad ding nagdulot ng mala-kuryenteng pakiramdam, "...can we just be happy that finally, we can be together without thinking about other's feelings?" he asked, his eyes full of anticipation. "Ito naman 'yung gusto natin, 'di ba? 'Yung maging totoo na ang lahat sa atin? Nag-usap na kami ni Celine, maayos na ang lahat."

"Paul, we can never be truly happy kung alam nating meron tayong nasasaktan," mariing sabi ko. "From the very start, alam nating mali ito. We're best of friends! And best friends can't fall for each other. Alam natin 'yun pareho." Napaupo ako sa dulo ng kama.

"Oo nga, but look at where we are now?" He squatted in front of me and lifted my chin. "Look at where we are now, Lee. We're in love with each other and we're happy. I am happy." His voice was so full of sincerity, so full of joy. He caught my gaze and stared straight into my eyes. "Are you? Are you happy that you're in love with me, Lee?"

Gusto kong tumango, sabihin na masaya ako. Pero alam ko kasing hindi. Marahan akong umiling and I saw how it caused him pain. His eyes reflected it all.

"Lira... alam kong natatakot ka lang," sabi niya. He was suddenly panicking. "Yes, we're best of friends, pero alam mong noon pa lang mahal na kita. We were both afraid then. But there's nothing to be scared of now. I am here to prove to you that this is not a mistake. Our love's not a mistake, Lee." He kissed my hands and slowly got up. He pulled me close and kissed me gently.

Napapikit na lang ako. Sobra kong mahal si Paul. I should really feel happy na siya ang mahal ko at ako ang mahal niya. I am. But there will always be this hole inside me na nagsusumigaw na mali pa rin ito. Kinakabahan pa rin ako.

"I love you, Lee. And I know you love me too," he said after that swift kiss. "I can never be happier knowing that we're in love with each other. This is all I ever dreamed of, to be in love with you every single day without any doubt, and for you to be in love with me without any fear." He tightened his grip and looked deep into my eyes. "Take this fall with me, Lee."