𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙚 » 𝙟𝙤𝙨𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙧 ✔️

✖️anxiety

triggers: panic attacks

you know those days where you wake up and you instantly know its going to be horrible, like you haven't gotten out of bed but for some reason you already know something bad is going to happen and you just feel...off. that's how josh felt. his bones felt like lead whenever he tried to move them. he felt like he wanted to cry but at the same time, he didn't. wherever he looked, his walls started to crumble and deteriorate but he'll blink and it'll stop.

he moved anyways.

he felt like he was watching himself instead of being himself. his whole body trembled when he made a cup of coffee, his hands shaking uncontrollably.

someone or something was going to kill him.

he didn't know why he just knew.

"I'm going to die. someone or something is going to break down that door and kill me. drag my body into a ditch and leave me there either to be found or ate away by some wild animal.

I'm going to die
I'm going to die
I'm going to die
im go-"

"josh?" the mug shattered beneath his feet, sobs racked violently through his body. josh felt unwanted arms wrap around him, using all the strength he's got as he pushed the body away from him. the voice spoke and reached out for him again, but josh shook his head no and desperately tried to put distance between himself and the person. josh ended up huddled between cupboards with his legs pressed up against his chest.

"p-please don't ki-kill me..." josh whispered those four words repeatedly, shallow breaths ripping through his lungs. he closed his eyes for a split-second before seeing another person, his heart pounding so violently. josh was too tired to do anything as a pair of hands cupped his face, clutching tighter to his legs as a kiss was planted on his forehead and everything was fading to black.

josh didn't know how long he was asleep for when he woke up, head pounding and stomach twisting. warmth was flooded around him and josh couldn't resist but to snuggle closer and sigh contently. his fingers tangled in a sweatshirt that smelled oh so familiar as fingers massaged their way through his tangled yellow hair, feeling a soft kiss in the mess of curls. josh was near sleep before a gentle voice spoke up.

"baby?" josh hummed sleepily as he looked up,  shivering lightly when fingers slid up and down his spine. he lazily smiled when tyler peppered kisses all across his face and breathed out a laugh as tyler pulled josh even closer so their chests were completely flushed together. tyler buried his face in the yellow fluff, remembering the recent events that happened earlier when he saw josh crying with a shattered mug spilling out coffee close to him. tyler wanted to know why josh freaked out but he wasn't going to push josh into answering it, tyler thought josh was going to panic when he woke up but was relieved when he felt josh settle in closer.

tyler took a deep breath, "you scared me earlier," he felt josh freeze up a tiny bit, "you don't have to tell me, I had to call my friend brendon to help cause I didn't know what do," tyler stopped when felt josh shake slightly, hearing small sniffles which made him cradle the boy closer.

"i-im sorry," the words were muffled but tyler could hear it, placing a soft kiss to joshs forehead, "don't be, its normal for this to happen. you don't have to say this if you don't want to but I love you and I'm so relieved you're ok," tyler whispered out soothingly, smiling when josh grabbed his face and kissed him like tyler was his oxygen tank.

"I love you too," josh whimpered against tylers lips, settling his head against tylers chest and sighing softly. josh fell asleep a few moments later, arms wrapped tightly around tylers waist and a smile on his face.