That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

The Quiet Silent Silence

"Beautiful isn't it?"

The young couple looked at me and smiled. I smiled and blew the smoke away from their direction. I didn't like talking to strangers but today I didn't even care.

"It's very beautiful." My quiet voice almost got lost in the breeze as we stood staring at the lake. The man pulled his wife closer and the diamond of her ring glittered in the moonlight. I stared coldly and the man nodded his head at me.

"I hope your leg heals well. Have a good night ma'am." He smiled and the wife blew me a kiss. I smiled and faced the lake again as they walked away. They murmured small talk as they left and I wished they had stayed so the thoughts in my head would shut up. My cigarette burned out eventually and I tossed it to the ground. The street was vacant so I made my way back home. It took longer than I thought but thankfully, the door was unlocked.

I slowly walked into the bedroom and Claire and Ryan stopped talking. She glared at me again like she had for the last few times I was around and I didn't even bother to smile or anything. Ryan mumbled hello so I said it back and laid down. I turned my back to them and plugged in my head phones. Radiohead filled my ears and I tried to fall asleep.

I was nearly there when the bed moved slightly and I felt someone lay down with me. I didn't want to know who it was and I wasn't going to look. I wanted to be alone, to bask in the dark thoughts that occupied my mind. But a tattooed arm, covered in colors and creeps, snaked it's way around my waist and I couldn't help but give in.

Chris's cold lip ring touched my neck and sent chills down my back. I fought the urge to cry and closed my eyes. The silence stayed and I laid there for hours with my body against someone who seemed to see past my fault in life. When I heard the soft snores coming from him, I let the tears fall silently. I cried again like the pathetic person I was and I didn't stop until the sun peeked through the curtains.

I glanced at the clock and it said 7 o'clock in the morning. I didn't want to move, in fear of waking up Chris and trapping myself in a conversation to explain myself to him. I could hear someone moving around the room and I guessed it was Claire. An ache passed into my heart and I felt sad again. She hated me. My only best friend hated me. And why? Because I couldn't fall out of love. How could you blame a girl for being in love?

Chris sighed and I knew he was awake. My body went rigid and I pretended to be asleep. Of course, it didn't work. I heard him smirk as he leaned over to look at my open eyes.

"Good morning." He kissed my cheek and I slowly looked at him.

"Good morning." I replied short and focused back on the wall I faced.

Chris was silent before he spoke again. "Would you like to go get some breakfast with me?" I closed my eyes and thought about it. Eventually I nodded and sat up. He held me as I picked out some clothes. I walked into the bathroom and I was about to shut the door but he slipped inside before I could.

"What are you doing?" I whispered and gave him a weird look. He stared at me.

"I thought you needed help getting dressed. Because of your cast." He glanced at my leg and I shrugged, accepting his offer. I slipped off my shirt and went to grab the clean one from Chris but he held it too high for me.

"Stop it." I tried to stifle a laugh and reached up. "Give me the shirt."

Chris chuckled and stepped closer to me. His clothed chest was against my bare one and my breathing hitched. His nose grazed down my neck and I felt his breath on my skin. This felt like a bad time and I wanted to pull away, but I knew he would take it as rejection if I did.

Chris's lips pressed against the crook of my neck and I bit down on my bottom lip. He kissed up my neck until he found my lips and they battled for dominance. I intwined my fingers in his hair and he moaned softly. We were in the middle of things getting heated when someone knocked in the door.

"Every. Fucking. Time." Chris growled and opened the door. I hid behind him and peeked at the door. Claire stood with a blank face and walked away. Chris rolled his eyes and closed the door again. By then I had my shirt on and was wriggling into my shorts. I threw my long hair into a bun and applied a small amount of eyeliner and mascara. Chris and I walked out hand in hand and to the car.

The drive was silent but we finally made it to a cute cafe down the street. We walked in and I stayed silent and let him order for me. Ten minutes later, the food arrived and we ate in silence.

Silent.

Silence.

Quiet.

I dropped my fork loudly and Chris looked at me. I covered my eyes to prevent from crying and I took a deep breath. "Why are you mad at me..." I whispered softly and stared at the table. I felt his cold fingers touch my arm and I peeked at him through my fingers.

"I'm not mad. I didn't know how to handle that and when you walked away, I thought you wanted things to be finished. But I thought everything over and I realized there wasn't anything to be mad about. I took a risk sleeping over last night and when you didn't run away.... I knew we were okay."

His words made me stop and think. What was I doing with myself? I was an idiot. This guy was still with me even after how I treated him. I sighed and hid my face in my hands. "I'm sorry Chris.." I mumbled into my hands.

"What?"

"I said 'I'm sorry'." I said a little bit louder and looked up to see him smiling. "You jerk." I laughed and threw a piece of egg at him. He tossed it back and we finally looked at each other without any tension.