That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

Sinematic All Over Again

{Song: Sinematic by Motionless In White}

Warped Tour was coming to an end and I was strangely looking forward to it. Not because I didn't enjoy watching the boys play but because I thought sleeping in my own bed and eating my own food would be nice and I really wanted to go back to work with Raven.

I walked hand in hand with Chris to the All Time Low bus. These crazy dudes were throwing a party and everyone was invited. The minute we stepped onto the bus, Jack came over and tossed a party cup full of Jack in my hand. Ironic, right?

"Blaze! Come party." He grabbed my hand and I could smell the strong alcohol coming off of him. Jack Barakat was literally the only guy I knew who got drunk before the party even began. I looked back at Chris and he shook his head laughing. I stood awkwardly as Jack dressed me up in all kinds of party attire: beaded necklaces, glow stick bracelets and confetti in my hair. He removed my black and white flannel and tossed it on the couch. I laughed as he got distracted by a pretty girl and worked my way back to Chris. He was outside by the lawn and was deep in conversation with Angelo who made time to come visit.

"Hey Ang." I smiled and leaned down for a hug. He hugged me back and Chris shot us a grin.

"How are you?" Angelo's voice was soft and I shrugged.

"I'm alright. Ready to go home."

He nodded and chuckled. "I know exactly what you mean." I knew what he was talking about and our faces saddened. I mentioned going off to find Jack again and kissed their cheeks. I walked into the bus and everyone was in the middle of a game of spin the bottle.

"Alex, I dare you to kiss Jack!" Someone yelled and there were scattered laughs and cheering. I mentally gagged and ran off before I saw anything.

I subconsciously walked back to our bus and walked into the empty silence. I could hear silent voices coming from the back lounge and I tried my best to keep all horrible thoughts in the back of my head. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to find Ricky on the couch in his shorts and a tank top watching Beetlejuice. He shot me a glance and instantly focused back on the screen.

I grabbed my blanket and sat down next to him, wrapping it around my shoulders. We sat in silence for awhile when I decided I couldn't handle it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered in the air. He didn't look at me but I could feel his barrier fall and I smiled in satisfaction.

"Me too." He shut off the movie and began to walk out of the room.

"So where does this leave us?" I got up to follow him and he surprised me by turned back around and kissing me. My back hit the wall lightly and our bodies molded together.

Ricky wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. My mind told me to stop but my body had different plans. I bit his lip and evoked a groan deep within his throat.

That's when the real fun began.

He kissed me harder, harder than he ever had before. And I in return, did the same. I tangled my fingers in his hair and he gently pushed me down on the couch. Within seconds, our shirts were on the ground. I felt my bra disappear and Ricky's lips found their way to my neck. He bit me hard, surely leaving a mark, and I moaned.

"I love you." He whispered as he kissed a trail down my stomach.

"I love you too."

He sat back up and I grabbed his face and pulled him in for another kiss. I knew what I was doing but I couldn't exactly stop myself. The years I had craved this, wanted it more than air, and now that it was finally happening, I wasn't going to stop.

I rolled over on top of him and pulled his shorts off. He chuckled and I grinned before removing mine and straddled his hips.

"So now that we're here, in this situation, what do you think?" I leaned over and lightly bit his neck. His breathing hitched and he latched his thumbs on the inside of my underwear.

"I think, no wait, I know that this is probably the best moment we've ever had. We're not fighting, we're not upset... It's just us." My eyes met Ricky's and I saw something that I had never seen before. My eyes stung and I blinked away any possible tears. Ricky slipped off my panties and I took off his boxers.

I took a deep breath ready for the pounds of emotion I was about to feel. Ricky's hands traveled all over my body like silk and the sighs and moans from us that filled the room were heartbreaking. Our lips meshed perfectly and the affection that clashed was unbearable.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and Ricky kissed it away. The agony, the passion, the desire would kill anyone with feelings. But Ricky and I were too dark to feel, too perfect for each other.

He pulled my hair a little too hard and I held him a little too tight. But nothing would destroy the devotion we had together. Ricky mumbled sweet nothings in my ear all night. And we didn't just fuck once; the passion called for a second and a third time. We couldn't have enough of each other and we didn't stop until we had absorbed every inch of each other's bodies.

I had finally come to the conclusion that Ricky didn't ever kill me. He took parts of me I never knew existed with him when he left. I wasn't ever dead, just stuck in time waiting to see him again. He messed with my head, intwined himself in every nerve in my body and fucked with my mind until I couldn't handle it anymore.

That which doesn't kill you, surely fucks with your mind. Especially if you love it.