That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

Trip Down Memory Lane

My parents patiently waited as I finished my story.

"...So I ran away and ended up here." I choked out in sobs and continued to wipe my sloppy face. My dad handed me the tissue box and I greedily used it. My mother's face, soaked with pity, watched me fall apart across the room from her.

"I'm a mess. And I came back here because I had no where else to go and I don't know what to do!" I coughed and cried into a tissue. My father came over and sat on the arm of the couch. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I felt him kiss my head.

"Darling, we know you love Ricky. Since the day we caught you two spending late nights on the roof in Scranton, your mother and I knew. But this Chris guy... Really sounds like he cares."

"But so does Ricky. Obviously he came back." My mother interjected and I sighed.

"I don't know what to do..." I whispered and sniffled. My father waved for me to follow and I walked up the stairs with him. He showed me my old bedroom.

"Clean up and lunch will be ready downstairs." I nodded and sat down on my bed. I leaned back and growled. I fucked up. I ran away like a little bitch. I pulled out my phone and noticed the many missed texts and messages from the band and Raven and even... Claire? Ricky must have gotten her involved.

I texted everyone back except Ricky and Chris. I called them and explained that I needed time to myself. I walked to the bathroom and washed my face. I looked in the mirror and I looked dead. I sighed and decided lunch could wait. I was tired and I needed sleep.

~Dream~

I was moving. I was leaving Ricky. Regretfully of course. But I wasn't eighteen yet so I had no choice. My birthday was months away...

Ricky held me tight as we watched the stars. My heart ached terribly. I was happy. I had found someone who knew me. And I wasn't ready to leave him.

I intwined our legs and he glanced down at me. My face was slightly red as I thought. "Will we still be together? Even though not physically."

A smile appeared on his face and his lip rings stood out against his pale lips. He kissed my face as much as he could. "Of course." He mumbled in between small pecks. I giggled and tried to push him off but we both knew I didn't want it to stop. His lips found mine and everything inside my body burned for him.

His hands searched my body and in the warmth of the sheets, I listed this night as the best one yet. Pale skin against paler skin, passion fought with passion, and in the heat of the moment, nothing else mattered. He stayed all night, held me until I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, a small note was left in his vacant space and a smile appeared on my face.

"I love you." I whispered to myself.

~Present~

I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. I grabbed my hair and searched for my parents. They were staring at me with wickedly confused expressions from across the island.

"Well?" My mother asked and set her lemonade down.

"Bad dream, that's all..." I sulked with my lunch to the backyard. I sat on the pearl white porch and stared out into the emerald green yard. I ate slowly and thought about my dream.

Why did I think of our first night? Why did my mind force such a thing on me. Did it mean something? Did it matter anymore?

I tossed the rest of the sandwich to the birds and walked out to the tire swing. I wrapped my legs around it and swung slowly. I closed my eyes and let the motion calm my nerves.

"This is why I need time alone. To focus on things like this." I smiled to myself and took in the clean air through my nose. Hadn't smoked for days, hadn't drank for days, hadn't swallowed pills for days. "I could get used to this." I chuckled and stared at the cast. "Just waiting for you to leave."

"Talking to yourself?" A slightly deep voice spooked me from behind. I stopped the swing and prepared myself for the face I would see when I turned around.