That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

Who Do I Listen To?

With no sign of Chris, we decided to head back to the bus. Blaze hadn't called me so I doubted he was back. Balz opened the door and we all followed slowly. When we got inside, Blaze was nowhere to be found. I started to walk to the back when Chris opened the door.

"Chris! Where have you been dude?" Ryan pushed past me and Chris ignored him.

"Blaze is gone." His voice was cold and he handed me a note. I read it once. Then again. And again. She was gone? Just like that? No goodbye or a reason? I tossed the note down and pushed to the back. I jerked open the curtain and all of her things were gone. I couldn't believe it. I ran off the bus and around the parking lot.

"Blaze! Blaze?" I called her name over and over to no avail. It was pointless. She wasn't here and I was to blame. My manager put his hand on my shoulder.

"We need to go." Most of the buses were gone besides ours and a few others. I sighed and pulled out my phone as we walked. I reached her voicemail.

"Blaze call me. Please."

The rest of the night we spent calling and texting her. My mind was numb, I didn't know what to do. What had I done wrong? Why did I kiss her. She was with Chris, not me. I had no right. I decided I needed to talk to Chris.

I found him in the back lounge watching TV. His face was stone hard and he didn't even look at me when I walked in. I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"I'm sorry about all of that. I know it was wrong. I really need to just stay out of your relationship with her. I'll back off, I'm sorry." I looked up and realized he wasn't even listening. He still flicked through the channels, pausing every so often.

"It's fine." He mumbled. He got up and walked to his bunk. I scoffed and shook my head.

"I'm screwed.." I whispered.

* * * * *

Unfortunately, we played early the next morning. I slugged my way to the bus to get ready. I wasn't in any mood to perform, let alone perform with my best friend who's mad at me. Not only that, I didn't want to perform knowing the person I cared most about was wandering around somewhere with a fucked up leg.

My make up was finally on and I had a few minutes to kill before warm ups. I pulled out my phone and dialed. The phone rang a few times before Claire answered.

"Hello." She didn't sound interested in the fact that it was me calling.

"Hey Claire. Is Blaze there?"

"No, why would she be with me."

"She, uh... She ran off. And we don't know where she is."

Claire stayed quiet and I could hear her sigh. There were shuffling noises and she finally spoke again. "I don't know where she would be. She didn't come here."

I sighed and thanked her. I hung up and jogged to the stage. I wanted to get this set over with so I could find Blaze and fix things with her and Chris. Even if it meant her not being with me.

* * * * *

I hopped in the shower to wash off the dark makeup and dried sweat. The warm water ran down my body and I sighed and shut my eyes. Where could she possibly be... There weren't many places for her to go. I could call Raven..

I shut the water off and stepped out. Raven answered and I got right into it.

"Is Blaze staying with you?"

"No, I thought she was with you on tour." She yawned and I apologized for waking her up. "I'm actually at work." We chuckled.

"She's gone. She left... And we don't know where she went."

"Oh no... I'll call her." I thanked her and waited for her to text me if Blaze answered. While I was drying my hair with my towel, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ricky." Blaze spoke softly and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

"Blaze, where the hell are you?"

"Before you yell at me, I'm fine. I'm gonna call Chris then I'll call you after." She hung up and I ran out to find Chris. He was already talking.

"Where are you?" He sat quietly while Blaze talked. "You can't just leave like that... I didn't want to talk, I was mad... Okay, but you need to come back... How long will you be gone?... No you need to come back... We'll work everything out I promise... Call me soon please." He looked at me and my phone rang right after.

"Blaze, are you coming back?"

She sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I need time away. I'll be okay, I promise. I'm in a safe place and I'll be fine."

"Where are you?"

"My parents house." My blood spiked through my veins and I tried to remember.

"I don't remember where that is..."

"Of course not. I'm fine though. Call you later." Before I could explain, she hung up. Chris watched me from the doorway and I looked at him.

"What'd she tell you?" He stared at my phone and I shrugged.

"She's at her parents house and she wants time away for herself. You?"

"Same thing..." We were silent and Balz came over. "Do you remember where her parents live? Maybe it's on the way." Chris stared hard at my face. I shook my head slowly and sighed.

"I don't remember." Suddenly, Chris grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. "What the fuck!"

Balz tried to get between but Chris was too close. He got in my face and spoke quietly. "You are going to remember. Even if you lose sleep over it, you're going to remember. That's my girlfriend and your ex girlfriend who's out there and we're going to find her and bring her back on tour. I don't care what happens after that, as long as we find her." He let me go and walked off the bus. I fixed my shirt and Balz gave me a sympathetic look before following Chris.

I walked to my bunk and sulked. I couldn't remember where her parents lived. Why should I remember that? I had only been there a few times... I know she had a huge house though. Her parents were the definition of rich. She had a gardener named... Mike? Something with an "M". Her parents were older than they looked. Her mom had red hair and her dad had that salt and pepper look. But if I saw them again, there's no way I'd be able to tell it was them.

I picked up my phone again. Thankfully, Blaze answered on the third ring. "Please tell me where your parents live."

"No, because then you guys will try and come get me. I want to be alone with my family. That's not so much to ask is it?"

"No, but it is when you randomly left without telling anyone."

"I'm not a child. I don't need permission to be an adult."

"Yeah but-"

"No. Just please give me my own time. That's all I'm asking. I promise I'm okay." She hung up and I tossed my phone. What do I do? Betray my best friend and not try to remember, or betray the girl I loved more than anything by going after her? They both wanted two different things and I wasn't sure which mattered most.

I turned over on my stomach and groaned into my pillow. So far, this tour sucked shit.