That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

What A Wicked Thing To Make Me Feel

{Song: Notes In Constellations by Chiodos}

The days were long and each performance tore me down a level. I wanted to go home, I wanted to find Blaze, and I wanted to fix everything. Chris would barely look at me except for when he asked if I had remembered, which regretfully I would have to say I hadn't.

We were half way through tour and on our way to the next date. Every night I would stay up sorting through memories of everything but I found none that helped me remember her parent's house. My eyes started to get heavy and I let them fall.

~Dream~

I snuck out once again from my room and walked the few blocks to Blaze's house. I knew I would get caught again like I did every night, but I didn't care. I would do anything for her.

I walked up the lawn and saw her smoking on her roof. She glanced down and noticed me standing there. Her face lit up and she hopped down for a hug. I picked her up and my heart skipped a beat when she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Hey Rick." Blaze whispered to avoid waking her parents.

"Hey Blaze." She wriggled out of my arms and grabbed some Jack. She shook the half full bottle and climbed back up on the roof. We sat and watched the stars and drank until there wasn't any left. I held her in my arms and her jet black hair glittered in the moonlight.

"Ricky." Her voice was soft and serious.

"Yes?"

"I'm moving." The effect of her words were equivalent to a slap to my face. She was what? She couldn't move!

"Blaze, what do you mean you're moving?" I moved so I could see her face but she avoided my eyes. She shrugged and sat up, hugging her knees to her chest.

"My dad got a new job. In Vegas."

My jaw nearly dropped. "That's like all the way across from Pennsylvania! When are you leaving?"

"Next week." The moon made the tear on her cheek shine bright and I wiped it away. "I'll miss you so much." She started to sob and I hugged her closer.

"I love you." I whispered into her hair.

"I love you."

~Present~

I woke up in a cold sweat. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't focus. I scrambled out of bed and towards the front of the bus. I grabbed a water blindly and downed it. Ryan gave me a weird look from the rearview mirror but I ignored him. I plopped down on the couch and closed my eyes. My heart ached.

I hadn't remembered that. The night she told me she was leaving, but we decided to stay together. The night where we both first...

I opened my eyes to stop thinking. I couldn't think of that. Not here, not now. I jumped up again remembering that I knew where she was.

Why do I suck at remembering things?! I mentally cursed myself and ripped open Chris's curtain. His eyes opened slowly and he covered them with his hands to avoid the light. I positioned myself to block it and grinned.

"I remember." He shot up and grabbed my arms.

"No way! Where is she?"

I continued to grin and a slow smile appeared on his face. "Vegas."

"That's the date after this one." Chris laughed and I nodded. He hugged me tight and ran to the front. I laid back in my bunk and sighed. What a horrible dream though. To have to remember all that really made me tired... And sad. I missed Blaze and our relationship. Things were so great but now they were so different.

I sighed and rolled over. I needed sleep and I needed to stop thinking about her. But I couldn't.