Guarded Hearts

Something That Is So Wrong, Feel So Right

Adrian's POV

I wanted to fucking kill Chavez. Pound his fuckin head to the ground until his brain turned into mash potatoes. How dare he think that he could put his filthy hands on Fatima like that, or any female for that matter. I don't think I have ever been this angry in my whole entire life. When I saw Fatima in the hallway heading to the showers, she look stiff, life a single touch was going to have her crumble, but when peanut blurted out what that nigga Chavez did to her, all I saw was red. The irony of me working in a prison and thinking about beating a guards ass and ending up in prison. I knew about the prison abuse that happened between the guards and the inmates, but damn I didn't think it was that harsh. I stormed into the break room knowing that Chavez would be in there since the nigga didn't do anything but terrorize the prisoners and sit his lazy ass in the break room. Just like I assumed he was in the break room with a couple of other guards laughing and talking about something.

"Yo Chavez, let me holla at you for a minute man" I say entering the break room, trying to be calm

"You see me doing something newbie" Chavez said looking at me like I just insulted him

"It's gonna be quick" I said 

"Wateva man" he said walking out the break room with me behind him

we walked until we got to the end of the hallway near the closet that Fatima and I had our first intimate moment and I found myself being angry all over again

"What you want man?, I got shit to do" he said turning around to face me

The minute he turned around I punched him dead in the face. Before Chavez could react I continue to punch him in the face over and over until I see a bruise forming, that was my cue to stop. I wrapped my hands around him and I bent down to be face to face with him.

"The next time you ever put your hands on Iman I will kill you, do you hear me?" I menacingly whisper in his ear as he struggles to breathe

"I said did you hear me mothafucka?" I raise my voice slightly and tighten my hands around his neck.

I keep the same position until I see his caramel skin turned a violent red. I finally let him go, stand back up and look down on him while he heavily catches his breathe and looks up at me with fear in his eyes.

"That's what the fuck I thought" I say and walk away

I'm sure that the last time Chavez will ever put his hands on another women, especially Fatima again. 

The first half of my day was filled with paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Transferring prisoners, Releasing Prisoners, Making sure that the budget that was brought into the prison was adequately spent, and a whole other shit that made me want to poke myself in the eye. Mr. Bryant had this bright idea that since I was the only guard with a "real" college degree, that I should handle the paper stuff. That's how cheap this muthafucka is, instead of just hiring someone to do this heavy workload, he would just have his guards, who already have a heavy workload to monitor humans, to do additional shifts with no extra pay. Story of my fuckin life.  I caught myself getting ready to knock out until I heard a soft knock on the door.

"WHO IS IT?" I yelled, annoyed that anyone would interrupt my sleep

The door slowly opens and Fatima pokes her head in with a slight smile

"Hey, gotta do my slave orders" she says pushing the door open and revealing a broom and a mop bucket with a mop.

I chuckle and slightly sit up "come in"

she comes in and close the door behind her. I intensely stare at her, I can't understand how someone can be in a place as ugly as this one, yet be so beautiful.

"Do you always have to do that?" Fatima says while she is sweeping and avoiding my gaze

"I like what I see" I say licking my lips and getting up from my seat.

I watched he cheek brighten up with she nervously continued to sweep. I softly removed the broom from her hand and lifted her head to look at me.

"How are you feeling?" I say noticing that she walked in with a limp and still has the same stiffness from this morning

"I'm better than this morning, peanut got me some painkillers from commissary and that helped a little"

"That's sweet of her, but that shit should've never happened" I said looking at her and clenching my jaw

"Chavez had to leave early today, said he wasn't "feeling well" Fatima said with a slight smile and giving me the side eye

"Yeah the flu has been going around" I say returning that slight smile back

"The flu or the case of an ass whooping" she replies

"I don't know what your talking about" I say shrugging and looking away with the same smile on my face.

Fatima gently grabs my face and have me look at her, her face comes closer to my face and our lips touch. we gently kiss and the familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach return as I put my hand on her hips and pull her closer to me. Our kiss intensify and I pick her up causing her legs to wrap around me. I walk us us to the desk and and lay her on it but immediately stand up when I realized where we were and how anyone can walk in, at any minute. Thank god this place was too cheap to install new surveillance camera.

"Damn I forgot where we were for a minute" I say chuckling, sitting back on the chair and pulling her on the lap

"Yeah, it's like being in a day dream then realizing where the fuck you at"she say rubbing my ear, something that surprisingly felt good...being in her presence always felt good.

"I wanted to talk to you about something" I say rubbing her thighs

"What's up" 

"Have you ever thought about having a lawyer look into your case again"

"Why bother, that shit isn't going to get me out of hear anyway" she nonchalantly shrugs her shoulder

"Not if you get an actual lawyer and not some public defense lawyer. You was attacked and defended yourself, there should be no reason why your hear for 25 years" I say trying to get her to see my point

"Adrian...I know that you have most likely been privileged your whole life, but I'm sure you still know that the justice system could give two fucks about us. When I say us, I mean Black folks. Especially some black bitch from Harlem who couldn't AFFORD a fancy lawyer so had to stick with a public defense lawyer" she said feeling defensive and getting of my lap

"I didn't mean-"

"of course you didn't, how could your privilege ass know" Fatima says going back to sweeping

"I just don't like the idea of you being in here for that long, our still young, you still have your whole life ahead of you, why not even try to have your case opened again-

"DO YOU THINK I HAVEN'T TRIED?!!!! I'VE BEEN TO 5 PAROLE HEARING sAND HAVE BEEN DENIED. I HAVE TRIED TO REACH OUT TO THOSE BULLSHIT FEMINIST GROUPS TO SEE IF I CAN GET ME HELP, AND I HAVE REACH OUT TO THOSE FANCY LAWYERS THAT YOU KEEP TALKIN' ABOUT. KNOW ONE FUCKIN CARES!OKAY? THESE ARE THE CARDS I HAVE BEEN DEALT. THIS IS MY FUCKIN LIFE"  She yells and tears coming down her face.

I stand there speechless. The hurt that was on her was contagious because I felt like shit. I walk over to her while pulling her to my chest. I rub her back and kiss her head.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to get you out of here" I whisper to her

"And then what...Go back home to your wife?...Go back to being the preachers kid?" she says looking up at me with an accusing look

I stood there in shock not knowing what to say. She was right, if she was to get out then what? Being an inmate in the prison that I worked at gave me an excuse to be around her, but what would happen if we were out in the real world. Would I leave my wife? Have my parents look at me in shame? Be willing to lose my job for messing with an inmate? Why did something that was all the way wrong, feel so damn right.