His Trouble Maker {P.J.M} ✅

CHAPTER 18

I'm so sorry that I can't be there with you, as much as I try it's impossible. You meant so much to me that everyday I cry because I'm not with you. I want to be the one you look at first in the morning when you wake up, I want to be the one who showers with you and make love to you in that same bathroom.

Everything went perfect between us but it was all ruined by her. We were planning on getting married and having children but that can't happen now. You have someone else that isn't me, he makes you happy but I want to be the one to make you happy.

My poor heart hurts everytime I see him inside you, you moaning his name instead of mine. But he makes you happy, your eyes twinkle every time you see him. But they twinkled more when you looked at me. You smiled at me and kissed me so passionatly even though I was your first kiss. I can't ever forget about you my love.

To you I don't exist anymore but I have to live with it. I want to kill him for being with you and touching you more than I have, but I can't do that.

He gets to touch you while I always have to sit and watch him pleasure you. I get angry everytime but I can't do that, I'm powerless not as powerful as I used to be. I showed you many time that I loved you but with her in the way I couldn't show you all of the love I had for you.

One slip up and now everything is ruined between us, everything we had and did together is history. It doesn't matter anymore, all of it is in the past now. And I'm the only one who can go back and see those beautiful moments but still it's not enough to make me happy. It's all just the past when I want to live the present with you.

I am no longer there next to you to protect you like i've always wanted. I wanted you to know that you were and will never be alone but now I can't do that. I'm all alone again because you are being happy without me. It's hard to see you this way now, all your attention is to him not me.

Mine, you are always mine I don't care if you are with him you will always be mine. You were taken advantage of and I helped you find love and feel happy, he didn't do that I did.

He doesn't know how hard you cried in my arms and asked for me to love you deeply. and I did every time you asked I made love to you and loved you. All my words that came out of my mouth? I meant all of it, every single word. No one can ever make you feel the way I did.

I might sound selfish but it's true you said it yourself. You loved me more than yourself and even though it was wrong I liked hearing you say that. It made me happy and know that I pleased your sensitive yet strong heart.

You are beautiful and will always be my first love. I dated many times before but never felt anything only for you. I felt everything love can give me and I know you did too. I was drawn to you like a magnet and you were drawn to me. Life for you wasn't the best but I was drawn to you the most, the connection I felt was stronger than yours and I can prove it, it's a fact.

But I'm sorry for lying to you and not being honest with you. Little girl you didn't deserve my lies because you life was full of it. I hurt you more than you mother did, the pain I cause you was more painful than the fresh bruises you had all over your small body.

I was able to heal most of them but I caused the wound in you heart, I was the one to make you this way. You are so broken and sad that you can't have me and you still are.

I know that you love him but I hate it. I tell myself that I want to see you happy but not with another man, that man has to be me. But again, I can't do anything about it.

I'm sorry so so sorry my love.

Now cry

It's only that I'm very sorry towards you

Again, cry because I couldn't protect you

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper

Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse

Deeper, it's just the heart that hurts every day

(You) who was punished in my stead,

You who were only delicate and fragile

I love you so much that I wanted to kill every eye that was laid upon you. If I saw you even smiling at another man I wanted to kill him. I was selfish because I wanted you to myself no one else could have you. But can you blame me? I was deep in love deeper than anyone else that walked the earth.

The love was beyond this world that nothing could make me hate you, I love you and I love you and I love you and I love you.

I could repeate it millions of times into you ear if I could and I defiantly would. You are my everything and always will be.

Nothing and no one can change the fact that I was your everything. Nothing can change the fact that you still love me even though I am no longer by your side. But still, you keep me In you heart because I am everything to you.

Everytime I cry here by myself I want you to be the one to dry the tears that fall from my sad eyes, but I don't have you anymore. I now don't have the right to call you mine but I still do even though I cant tell the world.

I'm sorry....