Luxury ✔️

03 | Chapter three

Chapter 3 | small gathering

" It seems to me that,
love could be labeled poison,
and we'd drink it anyways. "

L U X U R Y

I never really felt loved or wanted by someone.

Although, I can't say I've never felt the tingles in my stomach–the butterflies. Because I have. I knew a boy when I was twelve. His name was Jasper, but he didn't know I existed. And in some kind of way, I was glad he didn't. I was just fine admiring him on Tuesdays and Thursdays, discreetly from far away. I remember once he caught me staring, and gave me a sweet smile, making me look back to myself on the mirror and keep dancing. I never looked at him ever again, and made my parents stop paying for my dance classes. After a while, they got me a private teacher, but there was no point. Why would I want to do dance if the boy I liked wasn't there? When he looked at me, it was like he could see my façade, he could see that I liked him, as if he knew every single time I secretly glanced at him. And I didn't like that.

I never liked the thought of not knowing what other people exactly think. Everything someone says can be a lie, have you thought of that? And even so, I could never tell anyone how I felt. I've never told Larissa or Elizabeth how I didn't like the way the talked to people who weren't in the same social class as them or how their dresses and skirts sometimes would get too short. I never dared myself to say to my parents how I missed them, and how I wanted them to be with me more.

Sometimes at night I can't help but wander to their room. I smell my dad's cologne and try on my mom's jewelry. A long time ago I found an album of their wedding day. I saw their smiles, their happy and worry-less grins. I liked how my mom has dimples in both of her cheeks, similar to my grandfather's, and how dad's eyes would get so small because his smile was so large. I spent hours looking at the way they looked at each other, the only picture of their kiss and how they looked like the happiest couple in the world when they cut their four layer cake.

I couldn't help but wonder if I was ever going to smile like that, and even if I did, to turn out like they did.

•

I got home with my feet freezing. Dinner with the boys had been a disaster–at least for me. Turns out Elizabeth was saying that I was acting too shy, and I denied it saying that I wasn't. At the end, Larissa said we could hang out at her house tomorrow.

When I finally got home, I found my dad sitting in the lounge, in his favorite brown la-z-boy armchair, sipping dark coffee while looking at the fire in the fireplace protected by a thin glass. CNN was turned on but as he saw me, he quickly pressed the control in his chair and muted it.

He put both of his lips in his mouth, not saying a word as he watched me take off my shoes and hang my jacket on the hanger right beside the door.

"Your mother came the conclusion you weren't coming home, Quinn." He finally spoke, resting his elbow on the arm rest and pinching the bridge of his nose with eyes closed. "Do you know what time it is?"

I bit my lip, nodding. "It's late."

"It is, Quinn." He stood up, placing one of his hands in his pocket of his black dress pants. "Where were you?"

I kept my gaze down, and walked to the cream colored sofa, sitting myself down and hugging both of my knees. "I was at the mall." I rested my chin on my knee, occasionally looking up at him, who seemed disappointed.