The Undecided Lover

Chapter 9

Tee's POV

I bumped into one of the tenants who was walking into the lobby as I was making my way out of the building.

"Watch where you're going, young man,"  he said in an irritated voice.

"I'm sorry,"  I apologized.  I had not seen him because my tears were blinding me.

How dare P'Tae make light of the intimate event that had just taken place between us.  The bastard had even the poor taste to joke about it.  I know that he did apologize about taking advantage of me in my drunken state, but not a declaration of love came from his lips.

Of course I was a fool to expect him to say that he loved me.  Of course he had a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend whom I could never hope to replace in his affections.  How much more delusional could I get?

I quickly got into my car and prayed that I would not crash into any motorists as I blindly made my way back to my place.  I thought about the upcoming fan meet that was going to take place in just a few hours.  How was I gonna get through it?

Pull yourself together, Tee, I scolded myself.  Just pretend that last night's passionate lovemaking between you and P'Tae never happened.

When I got home, I quickly stepped into the shower and tried my best to wash off any scent of P'Tae's that lingered on my skin.  Then I went to the kitchen and prepared myself some breakfast.  I drank a lot orange juice and water to get the alcohol off my system.

With a heavy heart and a muddled brain I slowly made my way to the building where the fan meet was going to take place.  I went through a separate entrance from the main one to avoid being seen by the fans.  When I reached the backstage P'Tae was already there.  He smiled tentatively at me and I returned his smile wanly.  You can do it, Tee, I told myself.  You can get through this.

Tae's POV

I forced myself to get up from the floor.  I had to get ready for the fan meet which was to take place in a few hours.  If I did not show up my manager was going to fire me.

How can I hide my pain from Tee?  How can I erase his anger and resentment at me for taking advantage of his drunken state?  Would he have allowed me to make love to him if he had been sober?  I don't think so.  He did not have the slightest bit of attraction or feeling towards me.  I could tell that by the way he could hardly bear to touch me during the previous fan meets.  I know that he tried his best to please the fans by lightly touching me but the touches were so light that they hardly penetrated through my shirt.  Whenever I tried to touch him or hug him he would quickly pull away, all the while plastering on a fake bright smile to the fans to fool them into thinking that he was into me when it was farthest from the truth.

I hated to have to shower because I did not want to wash off Tee's scent on my skin just yet.  I wanted to savor it for a little while longer.  When I realized that I was already in danger of being late, I took my shower and changed into a fresh set of clothes.  Then I grabbed the key to my motorcycle and sped away towards the building where the fan meet was to take place.

When I got there, Tee was not yet there.  I hoped fervently that he was not going to try to avoid me.  After a few minutes I saw him come in and I gave him a smile and waited with bated breath for his response.  Was he going to ignore me?  He smiled back at me although I could see that it was a forced smile but at least he did not give me a cold shoulder.