Gintama; Takasugi x reader (Finale) [Take Me With You]

Chapter 12 {Y/N}

     I spend most of my time in the next few days in my old room. Kikyo seems glad to be back in her initial room as she constantly walks around the empty space either sniffing the books she ruined or trying to get my attention from reading.

Ever since the morning Shinsuke asked me to spar with him, my instincts develop from always staying in the his room and mess with him to a eagerness to pick up a book and read. I'm convinced that the bookworm in me hasn't entirely gone and chooses to surface now. That the reason why I find solace in this unused room is not because I can avoid the captain.

Well, maybe not avoid him, but certain unspoken thoughts he has about me. I'm succeeding recently with barely seeing him in daytime, and by the time I return to his room, he'd be on the forecastle till late at night as usual.

I do find solace in this empty room though. It brings back memories, bitter ones too, and not so different from Shinsuke's room. By locating in the same wing as the his room, I won't have to think about being disturbed. I've cleaned the room once when Kikyo made a mess out of it - the bathroom door still has a hole through it but thankfully nobody's seen it yet - but decide to do it again.

Not wanting to go through the crew's scrutinizing and disdainful gazes, I had asked Yokade to smuggle some cleaning materials for me. During the process I'd tried to reach across behind the bookshelf, intending to dust it and had to pound my injured palm against the wall to keep from shrieking aloud when I touched a thick, dusty layer of cobwebs. My cat had jumped and eyed me warily after that.

I look around the room again, scanning the floor then to my cat, looking sleepy at a corner, before landing my gaze to the white bookshelf at my right. Convinced that no skin-crawling creatures are present, I turn my attention back to the book on my lap.

I turn a few pages before my mind drifts off topic from the book to wonder to the urgent matters at hand. The quietness is pretty thick to not fall into thoughts and worries, and sooner would lead me back to the dilemma and anxiety that I have already promised Shinsuke to let him shoulder.

My parents.

Amidst the solitary silence I'm able to obtain throughout the hours, I can think carefully and clearly without being under anyone's influence. Promises and other complicated exchanges aside, my parents are my parents, being the people I care for most in this world. It's logic that I should be the one who would watch over them. Now with chaos pressuring to rage, could they cope well, stay out of danger when that would be the only thing left swirling around the city, and wait until Shinsuke fulfills his promise - that he would protect them in my lead? Can I really stay behind and wait for him to do that even though he has the entire nation after him? Can I even bare the mere thought of seeing him collapsing again?

    "I won't fail this time, and I want you to believe in me."

I press my eyes shut tight, and lean my head to the wall behind me. I do believe in you and that is why I'm scared.

Shinsuke hasn't spoke of it since the day he spoke with me after the sudden attack from the Naraku. Shivers jolts down my spine at the remembrance of the reverberant clatters of swords and the killer gaze I received from the leader.

Knowing the captain, he must be somewhat eager to face his predators head on after learning about the government's plans. But during our temporary stay here, I have not seen him direct orders concerning of his next moves.

A twinge of envy courses through my chest at how Bansai would so easily be able to come to a mutual understanding with the captain just by sharing a word.

Maybe I have yet adapt the decisive and reflexive responses to these kinds of sudden situation. Maybe I won't adapt or can't. Or maybe this is showing me how deep my understanding towards Shinsuke runs after all this time.