"Why do you kill people?" I ask as we lay in our bed only inches apart. The morning sun streams in and pools in the carpet where open space from the curtains fail to shade. My morning voice is groggy and tired while my body begins to process waking up.
"That's a little intense for pillow talk don't you think Kitten?" H grunts moving to position himself so he is facing me. I turn over until I am laying on my arm grazing up at him with emotionless eyes. I didn't feel any certain way when I asked this question, I had moved past the point of being angry and upset.
If I learned anything it's that being upset didn't change what happened and doesn't do anything for the future. I didn't condone anything H did but I had no choice but to accept who he was. Nothing I said or did was going to change him and even though I struggled with the concept of that I was working on accepting what I couldn't control and H fell under that category.
"What made you want to do that?" I ask disregarding his comment on my question.
"Getting personal aren't we?" He smiles at me with a hint of apprehension in his body language.
"I just feel like it would help me get over things if I knew why. I am trying to accept things and if I knew why I think it would help me work through things," I tell him honestly while I reposition to get more comfortable. I was hoping he would get into his thoughts and reasoning instead of having to speculate everything he did.
"I like it, I like feeling in control. The feeling of holding someone else's life in the balance makes me feel... alive," H articulates and I am surprised he was genuinely honest about it. Maybe it was because we were ever so slowly beginning to trust each other, after all, we held each other's secrets. We could both incriminate the other person and therein lies where we built our own twisted trust exercise.
"There is nothing else that makes you feel alive?" I asked him, my eyes wondering into his wild green eyes that scanned over my face. His eyes flicker down to the sheets we both lay in and everything is silent for a few seconds before he continues to tell me more. I had a feeling he had never been this open with anyone, actually, I was positive he wasn't.
Harry and H both alike never let anyone inside. When Harry and I were dating it took so much time and effort to get him to trust me, to let me inside. Harry and H had some parallels within their personalities after getting time alone with the both of them.
However, H's life was painted red, his rage and vengeance motivating his every move.
"When we met you," H finally says causing my heart to pound in my chest. I was surprised that it wasn't ripping through my skin. My entire body tingled when those four words fell from his delicate pink lips.
"Me?"
"You were so different from anyone else. You made me feel something other than anger, something other than loathing, you made me feel alive again even though I was in the back seat," His eyes avert back to mine and a trace of a smile curls at the corner of my lips. I wanted to hear more as I sat on every word he spoke, I craved more with every second.
"For the longest time, I always felt like I needed to protect Harry from women because the one woman who was supposed to love him couldn't find it on her to love him at all. After he met you it was like a switch went off... I could feel you and it was an overwhelming sweetness," He reaches out to touch my face and I feel a warmness radiate in my chest when I felt his fingers on my face. I haven't felt intimate like this in so long, it was almost like I had forgotten what it felt like to be close.
