"Harry?" I ask as we lay in his hospital bed. He touches my bandages that wrap around my chest and down my torso tightly. He runs his hand over the gauze fabric gently to avoid inflicting any pain.
"Hmm?" He hums keeping his lips closed while I twisted my finger around one of his chocolate brown ringlets.
It was strange that I felt completely different towards him when he was himself. He was a whole other person when H took his form, everything was different. He didn't feel the same as Harry did.
"Where do you go when the darkness takes over?" I ask him wondering if he was going to give me the same answer as H.
"Away..." he mutters to me while I nuzzle myself into his chest. I make minimal movements as to not cause too much pain to myself.
"What does that mean exactly?"
"It feels like I'm being sucked into a black hole, like I'm slowly fading away. It's like my body is on autopilot and I can't take back control," Harry tells me kissing the top of my head ever so softly. I missed his sweet gestures that pulled me in from the start. He was my everything and I couldn't stand to lose him again.
"Can you hear or see anything that is happening?" All kinds of questions circulated in my head. I didn't know if Harry was capable of answering all of them but maybe we could both start to understand what it all meant. I could help him understand what I knew about H and maybe he could shed some light on his perspective.
"Not everything, it's almost like I'm blindfolded. I'm confined to a chair and I'm cuffed to it, I only see and hear what it wants me to which isn't a lot," Harry tells me while I lay my hand on his chest breathing slowly. I feel his warmth and comfort encapsulate me, I missed this.
"Have you tried talking to it? The darkness?" I watch the streams of light illuminate through the blinds and create lines of shadows and light. The dust in the air floats wherever the light streaks stream, my eyes following the flow.
"No, I can't..." Harry tells me in a strained and hesitant voice, as if he were a little boy afraid of his own shadow.
"Why not?" I didn't want Harry to feel like I was prying too much but I was just trying to piece everything back together in this jagged puzzle.
He doesn't say anything and leaves me with silence until I ask a follow up question that may just be the answer.
"Are you afraid?" I sit up to look at him and see his eyes shatter into a million emotions all at once. A twisted mixture of fear, frustration, and anxiety coat his jade green eyes and somehow I can tell that my question confirmed his feelings. I wasn't going to press him hard on answering because I knew he didn't want to say it out loud.
He was afraid of himself.
He was afraid of what he might be capable of.
We are all afraid of the unknown but for him that took on a whole new meaning. He was afraid of losing control to the unknown.
"I never want to hurt you," He tells me running his hand down my cheek and holding my jaw lightly while I lean into his hand.
"You couldn't possibly hurt me Harry, you are too sweet. There isn't a bad bone in you," I want to drill this into his mind as much as I can. I didn't want him to think he was a bad person or that he possessed a trait that could cause harm. Harry was different than H in every way, shape and form.
"Then how come all I feel is bad?"
"Listen to me Harry," I tell him scooting closer to see the sadness dip in his eyes. Shades of blue color him from top to bottom and I take ahead of his soft hands. "It's because you are good. Bad people don't feel bad, you are good Harry. The fact that you asked that tells me that,"
