Born in blood
Just like how he left his victims
"Once I find this fucker, he's dead!" Harry grits throwing another note from this snitch. Attached to the note was yet another piece of evidence from the crime scene. A key.
"No!" I stamp shaking my head and rejecting his thought. I couldn't go through this rollercoaster again.
"What do you mean no? Do you want to be taken away from Kieran?" Harry asks me as I look down in my arms to see my sweet baby napping without any care in the world. He was so innocent and oblivious to the circumstances he was born into.
"No-"
"Then pull up your big girl pants and let's get to work! I don't know if you've realized this yet but the things worth having are the things you have to fight for," Harry says taking Kieran from my arms and kissing the top of his soft brown hair. "And I don't know about you but I would fight wars if it meant I could spend more time with the both of you,"
"All we've done is fight for each other since the day we met. I'm worn down H. When does the fight end and the victory start to feel rewarding?" My eyes flutter up to Harry who holds his baby in his large arms, cradling him from the violent world around us.
"The fight ends when there is no more threat," Harry's eyes stay trained on Kieran whole he rocks him softly in the dim lit living room.
"But won't there always be a threat? You can't just kill someone without gaining suspicion of someone else. There will never not be a treat Harry, there will always be another person," I explain I breath in a heavy sigh that settles in my lungs.
"This time there won't be, I'll make sure of it," Harry says while I sink into the couch and let the stress reload in my bones. I knew deep down despite his reassuring words that that wasn't going to be the case. When you lived a lifestyle like Harry's and now mine... there was never going to be an end and if there is one, it's not a happy one.
"I can't handle any more death Harry, I feel like I'm losing my mind. When I look into the mirror I don't know who is staring back at me anymore," I tell him as he sits down next to me pulling down Kieran's blanket to see his lips in a pout.
"I know, which is why I have to do this one last time before I go," His gaze flickers up to me and I furrow my brows scooting closet to him.
"Before you go?" I reiterate trying to make sense of what he was trying to say. My face pales when I decode the meaning before he has the chance to speak.
"I know I can't give you the life you want. I can't be the father he deserves-"
"Wait... H no!" I plead already knowing what he was saying. My heart quickens as I watch a wave of sadness wash over him. It was as if the tide was pulling him further and further away already despite us being merely centimeters apart.
"The other Harry made this life for himself. This isn't my life to live and I know he can make you happy, he can be a better man then I can be," I touch his cheek and feel a heavy weight in my heart that drags further and further down, sinking every time I saw those eyes.
"I don't want you to leave, that's not fair," I tell him with longing in my voice.
Why did it feel like I was losing someone?
This was what I wanted right? If this is what I wanted why do I feel like I've lost something?
"I can't control my urges, I need to kill and I know because of that we would never work. Look what I've done to you, just a few minutes ago you told me you can't even recognize yourself anymore and it's my fault. I did this to you," he says shutting his eyes while I come closer to him with watery eyes. I didn't want to lose anyone. Why did it feel like I lost, either way, I looked at things?
