Drama Llamas | Phan

2- Exposed

- D.H -

I'm a trainwreck. Just an invisble one. 

Nobody can see the truth behind this wall that I put up. Nobody can get too me and I won't let them. I'm a complete mess, but I'd like to think of myself as an organised one - compared too some people atleast. Yes, I'd heard about the scandal. The whole situation with Phil Lester had put the world on edge and me with it. Nobody'd heard a word from him since the interivew, he just, disappeared suddenly, right of the radar. 

Something I wish I could do. Disappear without making a sound. 

I awoke to the sun shining brightly in my eyes. I'd managed to leave work five minutes early yesteryday, the producer saying that I wasn't needed to stick around for the DJ after me had come early. I had welcomed the happy suprise, but it did make me question whether the producer was fond of my risqué attitude and dangerous jokes I make. Some of the stuff I say could be taken into offense, or people may find the jokes I make serious rather than sarcastic, which is what I mean them to be.

I bet that my producer hates the way I work, but he can't get rid of me because I'm starting to get more and more famous as a Radio 1 DJ. Moreover, he can't convince me that maybe this job isn't for me, because I only recieved it recently. I suspect he thinks that along with my carefree persona, I don't think through all these possibiltys, but I do. I mull through them every night one at a time, carefully accepting any reprecussions and trying to work to supress anxieties that I'd rather not let show. 

Though at the end of the day, the truth of it is that the producer isn't telling me anything. He's just acting friendly and keeping it too himself, probably consulting the manager or somebody else about it behind my back, while trying his best too keep on good terms with me. It's ridiculous really. Everybody around me is so fake. They all greet me with big smiles, large welcomes, but nobody see's me for me, they all think that I'm fake myself, untrustworthy and nobody stops to take the time to really get to know me. 

Only sticking around for buisness values and money. People like me are shunned in this industry. Sure, listeners laugh at my borderline-offensive jokes or sarcastic comments, but none of my co-workers even crack a smile or grin. Furthermore, as soon as work's over they forget about me. I'm just expected to leave and turn up tommorrow. Guests I have on just come, talk and then leave again without a word. 

I'm sure that if I just disappeared, the people that had actually met me would only be sad that they'd lost a DJ that was bringing in large amounts of money for the company. They wouldn't be sad at all that, me as a person were gone. It's not because they're bad people at all, I'm just not the sort of person many people like regardless of finding them professional or not. I let out a long sigh. It was Monday today which ment I didn't have to go in to the Radio as I worked only on Weekend mornings. 

I reached over to my phone, which was lying on my bedside table. Blinking slowly, I began to scroll through a bunch of notifications from twitter. I was very active on the app which resulted in this barade greeting me every morning - though I was half thankful because it gave me something to do in the early times of the day. Once I'd finised with that, I noticed a few text messages from probably the only person I spoke too outside of work.

Louise:  Hi Dan!  Just wondering if you're around for a coffee or tea or something this morning? I'm alone in the house and rlllyyyy bored and thought: Hey! Dan's off today. It's okay if you're busy today though. L Xx