Drama Llamas | Phan

9- First Sight (pt.2)

- D.H -

I felt empty. I know I said tommorrow, but I can't wait any longer. I have too do it today. Louise must've left around a hour ago - maybe longer, but when it came down too it, all my attempts at a goodbye letter had failed miserably and I felt that maybe it would just be a lot better too just disappear. Nobody would have to worry and people could just get on with their lives. After pacing my kitchen several times, I eventually reached for my black leather jacket, pulling it on hastily. I glanced outside quickly, noticing grey clouds forming in the sky.

Anybody else would've went to go retrieve a coat for when it did rain, but I wasn't planning on being alive when it did. Taking a deep breath and pulling my sleeves further around my hands, I turned and opened the door cautiously. I peered round, checking that their was no sign of Louise. Nothing. Perfect, that's exactly what I wanted. I'd called a taxi a few minutes ago and it had arrived right on time. I didn't bother to re-straighten my hair, so curls slipped infront of my eyes, which I didn't bother to push away.

I nodded at the taxi driver and got into the back of taxi. Luckily he didn't happen to be one of those really annoying, obnoxious, nosey, sociable drivers. He just kept too himself after I'd asked him to drop me off at a cafe so that nothing looked suspicious. The ride didn't take long and I tried desperately to avoid eye contact with the driver. I wasn't sure why I was avoiding it though, because to be honest I didn't care if he recognised me from the news and the radio because I wasn't going to be around to deal with the consequences anyway.

I got out and handed the driver some money, still not meeting his eyes. Ah, now I know why I didn't want too look into this strangers eyes. I didn't want him too see how empty I was. How broken and cracked I was inside behind the mask that I wore, which just so happened to be my face itself. Climbing out of the car without another word, I paused hesitantly in the street, glancing round just in time too see the taxi drive away, leaving me alone in the street. The cafe was about to shut, but I had no intention of actually going in anyway.

I turned around, heading in the complete opposite direction infact, towards what I'd decided would be my end. The River Thames. I eventually reached the bridge and I stood, looking out across the crashing waves. The water seemed to just so happened to be particularly rough today, well tonight. I can still remember little kid me visiting London with my parents as a teenager. Something about the River Thames had always captured my attention, making me stare, transfixed at the water as if I was in some sort of trance.

It was just a river. I had no reason to be so amazed at something so simple - and yet I was and still am. After years of continous visits and finally moving to London as an adult, I am never able to fully capture the plain sight of the city itself. It wasn't just the River Thames that had kept me so intrested, but the whole city seemed so alive night and day that I couldn't imagine moving anywhere else. The dedication that had been put into making London like it was, was just immense. It's long history, the generations of people  who made it how it was today.

The breeze was begjnning to pick up and the clouds hung threateningly in the sky. London was my home - and it always be. So, I'm actually sort of satisfied that the place that sparked my child hood fantasies was also the place where it would all end and be put down too rest. This was it. The end of the line. Memories filled my head. Memories of the first flat I'd moved into - a crappy place in which I was pretty sure people had probably died or been murdered in before. I can still think back to all the theories me and Louise and made up about it as well. We were so childish.

Fastforward a bit. I remember going up too visit my parents. I remember desperatly trying to avoid people I knew from my old schools that I went too in the town. I went too some drastic measures as well, even managing too wedge myself behind a photobooth to avoid a girl who I'm pretty sure had recognised me anyway. At least it had avoided to scoial interaction at the time. I smiled to myself fondly at the memory. Well, it was all done now. I wouldn't have too worry about any more awkward situations ever again I guess.

I swung a leg over the barrier which was there too literally prevent about what I was about too do. I took a final deep breath of the fresh air and closed my eyes, letting the soft wind blow through my hair. I took a step out into the nothingness. The final step, my final action. Everything then just began to fall into place. I began to fall, my hair flying upwards and unable to keep up with the laws of gravity. Thats when I experianced it. It happened all at the same time. That myth about your eyes flashing before your eyes when your about to die? Yeah, that's true.

From my earliest foggy memories of toddler hood, too pre-teen, too teenager and finally to who I was today. All the houses I'd ever lived in. All the dogs I'd ever owned. All the closest friends I've ever had. All my family. It all came back too me in a flash. However, as I was experiancing this, at the same time I felt my whole body jerk upwards suddenly, when I realised that I'd been stopped from my falling, which meant, somebody had stopped me. Somebody had grabbed onto me before it was all too late, before I'd fallen too far.

My heart momentarily stopped. Why? Why had this person - whoever it was - why did they stop me? I glanced upwards. It was a man, eyes squeezed shut in concentration with a black fringe cascading down one side of his face. He was putting in all of his effort into keeping me suspended in the air. A complete stranger. A complete stranger who knew nothing about me, was changing my life, was changing my future and my fate. Somebody who wasn't supposed to be part of my story was drastically changing it - for better or for worse, I didn't know.

If he was so determind to stop me, I guess I couldn't just let this random person change my life by himself. I reached up with my other hand, grabbing onto his own which were clutching onto my wrist. He put a final burst of strength into lifting me higher in the air, just enough so that I could grab onto the bridge, a surface once more. I clambered onto it, aided by this random stranger. I just lay on my front, panting. It'd taken up a lot of my energy and I felt sweat dripping down my body in multiple different places. Eventually, we both sat up.

I slowly realised that at some point during the whole situation, the clouds must've given way and let out the rain I'd anticipated earlier. I stood, the stranger next too me gesturing to a bridge offering a small form of shelter somewhere off the bridge. I only nodded, too awkward too say anything and followed him off the bridge and away from what I thought would've been my end. We finally reached the cover and I noticed that this random person who'd desperatly tried to save my life was only wearint a thin t-shirt. I fidgeted in my jacket.

I didn't deserve to wear extra clothing when this person obviously should have it way more than I did. He'd saved my life after all, it was the least that I could do. i'm not sure how our short conversation had lead to me getting tugged along behind this black haired mystery boy pulled all the way to what he claimed was his nearby house. When reality crashed back into me, I started to panic. Did this guy know who I was? If he did that could cause so many problems, but his next question put those anxieties to rest. He didn't recognise me, some how.

We reached his proclaimed house (which wasn't too small considering it's a house in London) and he unlocked the door, I followed him inside. Glad to finally feel the long missed sensation of heat. 

For a few moments, I started to feel human again.