Jellybean Jones

Chapter 49: Bad Things

Jellybean POV
It happened again late that night. I had woken up with that same possessed feeling. I was in control, but it felt I wasn't controlling what I was doing, but it also felt like I did. It just confused me, to say the least. It seemed to last for a much shorter period of time this round. I was both relieved and disappointed. I think I only felt the latter as the things I was doing during that time felt right.

I almost felt a sense of gratitude that my wrist was wrapped up. That way I couldn't do anything worse than the pain I had already inflicted on myself. I had just about forgotten that the world around me was still happening. Rosie was still at school. Adelaide was still at school. I missed them, but for some reason, I didn't do anything about that. I didn't call them, I didn't text them. Hell, I hadn't even fully told Adi what I did.

Part of me wanted to, but the other, more dominant part told me not to. They deserved to know, but I isolated myself from them instead. What I was going felt right, as though I was still experiencing that sense of being possessed. I wanted to talk about it and I wanted to get help but I couldn't. There so much going on right now. So much that I didn't feel right to add one more thing to this hellish mix. So I didn't.

I stayed in my room the next day. I didn't eat. I didn't take pain killers. I didn't talk. I knew that this wasn't right. I knew that, but it didn't change that I just completely isolated myself. Even though I wanted to be held and I wanted to be comforted and I wanted to be told that it was going to be okay, I didn't leave my room. I just felt like I didn't deserved that help anymore. I felt I had just been such a mess my whole life that I shouldn't be allowed to have anymore, well, anymore love? If that's the word I'm looking for.

I felt sort of empty. Everything just kept happening all at once. Mum died. I got in a fight. I broke down. I felt like crying, but I didn't. I didn't want to cry because I had cried too much and I was sick of it. I was sick of everything. I was done. I was done with  everything. I wanted it all to stop. Life was moving to fast and it was leaving me behind. I felt like a melodramatic teenager. My gosh, I was a melodramatic teenager.

Jughead POV
Jellybean didn't leave her room the day after her break down. I was worried she was hurting herself. Dad told me she was fine. I found that incredibly hard to believe. I woke up on Thursday morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I tried to shake it off and focus on something positive. Betty and I were tight again, that was good. I couldn't think of anything else good though.

I sighed and got ready for the day. Dad was at work for the morning, leaving Jellybean alone. I didn't know if she would be okay by herself. I didn't feel like I knew her anymore. This past week the happy, bubbly, loving little girl that I once knew had been replaced by a sad teenager. It hurt to know that she was hurting. I didn't care what Dad said, I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye to her.

I went into her room unannounced. She was under her blankets, but she wasn't asleep. She got out of bed as soon as she saw me. She cane over to me and went limp in my arms. I held her tightly to my chest. She didn't do anything. She just stood there. I rubbed her back. She wasn't crying like she usually would. "What's going on, baby girl?" I asked her quietly. "I don't know, Juggy. I don't know what's happening and I don't like it and I'm sad, Jug, I'm sad and I'm scared." Her voice was strange.

It sounded, well, sad for one thing. Also older than usual and broken, maybe? "It's going to stop soon, I promise." I whispered in her ear. "But Jug, that's just it. Things, bad things, keep happening. Then there'll be a break and then something bad will happen again and it's just like this cycle and I don't like it- I-I don't-" She had to stop to catch her breath, but then I realized her breathing had become ragged.