I Cant Do This Anymore (Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

"why is it so hard?"

*Nathan's POV

As soon as Jay left the room I flopped baxk down onto the bed. Great so tonight I have to go and get set up with a girl who I know will take one look at me and turn back the way she came. Even if she did like me (unlikely) How can I get a girlfriend now? What with all the shit going on in my life at the momment I couldnt birng someone into that! Its not right! I sigh in frustration and punch my pillow. I can hear banging and movement in the kitchen so I know the others are starting to get up now so its safe to go into the kitchen.  I heave myself off my bed and take another look in the mirror. Yep defffonatly a massive bruise forming underneath my eye. Its now starting to swell making me look even uglier then normal.

There is the sound of movement comming from the kitchen so I know that the others are starting to get up. That means its safe to go down as Max wouldnt dare try anything while the others are around. I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen where to my relief max isnt there. Jay and Siva are sat at the table and Tom is making breakfast. Jay looks tired, I feel really bad for waking him up last night.

Tom turns to face me and his face drops "Morn- JESUS what happened to your face?" "I was down here earlier and slipped and wacked it on the table" he runs over and starts examining it "Looks like you got punched" my stomach flips "No, I slipped, Christ Tom since when did you turn into my mum?" I force a laugh trying to lighten the now very tense atmosphere thats fallen on us. To my relief Tom lets out a laugh and goes back to frying bacon. "wouldnt suprise me you clumsey idiot" I smirk "no Thats Bird not me!"

I manage to eat breakfast in peace as Max isnt here. I have no idea where he went and to be honest I couldnt care less! He's probably at the pub or the recording studio. My eye is throbing now and theres a sharp pain in my shoulder from where I hit the table. I think I got off pretty lightly compared to what he could have done. I leave the table and start climding the stairs to go get ready when I hear footsteps running after me and someone puts their hand on my shoulder. I panic, it must be Max. My heart rate doubles and my breathing races, I turn to face him, fist raised ready to defend myself. I'm met with a very worried looking Tom.

"WOAH Nath I didnt meant to scare ya! Calm down." My breathing slows and heart rate starts to return to normal. "sorry mate dunno what came over me" he looks at me whith concern in his eyes "Are you sure your ok? We all heard you scream the place down last night! I was gonna come see if you were ok but then I heard Jay go up so I left it. He said you was feeling a bit down and homesick? Mate you can talk to me" MAX HAS BEEN MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HELL! HE DID THIS TO ME! My insides scream and I open my mouth to say I'm fine but instead I breakdown into tears onto his shoulder. "Why is it so hard? Everyone thinks its perfect but its so hard!" I have no idea what I'm saying but its like I've lost all control and all I can do is cry. "Errr come on mate I know its hard and all that but errr you just gotta urm be strong and all that! Oh shit I'm rubbish at this! What do I go guys!???"

By now Jay and Siva are here watching as I sob onto Toms shoulder, taking in gulps of air in between sobs. I look up, Tom looks so bemused and to be honest I dont blame him, one minute I was fine the next I'm crying my eyes out on his shoulder! I hear jay say from behind us "Tom help me get him back to his room yeah? Siva go make him a cuppa" I feel Jay and Tom lift me up from the stairs and put my arms around their shoulders as They walk me to my room. Its odd as theres succh a height difference. My right arm is about level with my shoulders and my left is way above my head but the gestures lovely.

We get to my room and Tom and jay put me down on my bed as I breathe slowly trying to regain composure. Siva apears in the doorway with a cup of tea and places it on my bedside table. I look up at the guys "Errr Sorry about that guys, dunno what came over me" I say awkwardly taking a sip of my drink. Tom smiles at me "Nahhh its ok mate, some you just gotta let it out ya know? But just warn me next time yeah?" I chuckle slightly before nodding. Siva and tom leave and jay sits down next to me "Chine up yeah mate? Big date tonight!" he pats my shoulder before leaving. I sigh in frustration and punch my pillow. I do it again and again til I'm worn out. They're going to tell max and then I'm in so much shit!

Me and jay get tot he resturant just before 7. We take our seat opposite each other so we can sit next to our dates. It's still a bit awkward after the whole sobbing uncontrolably in front of everyone incident but not too bad. Jay hasnt really spoken to me since then. I think he was a bit taken aback but he hasnt taken the mic. Jay looks at me "Did Max do that to your face?" My heart rate doubles and my stomach flips "No? what the hell Jay? Why would Max do this to me? I told you I slipped and hit it!" He eye's me supiciously "But what about Lucy?" "What about her? She's history jay now drop it ok? Max didnt do this to me noone did!" He opens his mouth to protest but spots something behind me and grins like an idiot before waving like a madman. I turn round and see who he's waving at. I recognise Carlie instantly so the other girl must be Charly I think it is? WOW! She's stunning! God this is gonna be so awkward! She'll take one look at me and run out of the door.

They walk over to us and Jay and Carlie start to suck face so I pull out a chair for charly. She smiles and say thanks before looking at me. Her jaw drops. Oh here we go, "What happened to your face?" I force a smile "Oh I was an idiot and slipped in the kitchen this morning and wacked it on the table" She nods before giggling "Pretty idiotic thing to do I wont lie" I laugh and agree. Looks like tonight could be a good night after all!

We had an amazing night and Charly is amazing! We exhange numbers when we drop the girls home and as soon as I get up to my room I start texting her. We arrange to go to starbucks on Thursday and I cant wait. I turn my light out and Can hear Max stamping up the stairs. Oh great. My door opens and he walk in. He stands above my bed just looking. He's sobre I know that. He must have been in the studio.

"Tom told me all about what happened today, you gotta toughen up! crying like a little bitch coz you got a slap your pathetic! If you want I can show you what a real kicking is? Why dont you just go crying back you mummy back home you worthless piece of shit" He spits on me before leaving the room. I quickly wipe my face with my sleeve before lying back down again. How can I possibly bring a girl into all this? I cant let a relationship with Charly form, I cant drga her into this mess it wouldnt be fair! Thursday I have to tell her not to get involved with me and to get on with her life...

----------- Hey guys hope you like this fic! Just want to say a massive thank you to Charly for making the cover as it looks awesome! :D oh and can I get some feedback please? starting to wonder if anyones actually reading it haha, much love Ellz xxx-------------