I Cant Do This Anymore (Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

Maybe if I end it all?...

*2 weeks later

Nathans POV

Right so we're back here again. Me sat in my room, on my own, slicing my thighs and hips open. It's fare to say that things have started to get even more shit then they were (If thats even possible). Shortly after I got home Lucy went to the papers with "her version of events" as to why her and Max broke up. All of a sudden her fans are sending me hate, and not the ok kind (not that there is an ok kind of hate mail but you get what I mean?) Death threats, telling me to go kill myself, telling me I'm a heartless user, "What is he even doing in the band? dont think He actually brings anything LOL", that got over 400 RT's. Maybe Max is right? Maybe I dont bring anything to the band? I think I should explain whats gone on in the last 2 weeks...

*First day back

"Alright babyNath! Good week off?" Jay calls out as I walk through the door, Max and Tom arent back yet so I can relax for a while. "Yeah was alright bird! Managed to relax" He smiles " Thats great mate! Feel ready to come back to work then?" I let out a fake laugh "Mate I was ready after the first day!" We spend an hour just catching up and talking. Mostly about Jay's break up with Carlie and then the conversation turns to lucy. "Mate I'm just as supprised as you, they spent the night together but I dont think its any more then that, She was talking to me, said she couldnt feel the same way" I nod but worry still radiates through me, she must be back on the scene, she said in a radio interview she moved back here from Amarica coz she missed her freinds and family. Bullshit. She's here to cause trouble.

"Oh my god will you drop it Tom! Haha, yes I triped up the stairs and my heel broke but its not that bad!" I recognise that voice, Its her, the bitch that ruined my life. why is she here if she didnt feel that way about Max? All three of them walk through the door, Tom, Max and Lucy. She looks well. Tall, Slim, Long rich Brown hair that has a naturall bounce. She's more tanned from her stay in amarica and her teeth have a nice new glossy shine to them when she smiles. She looks at me and smiles. Its a cunning smile. Not welcoming. Max catches my eye and puts an arm around her whilst glaring at me. It's a warning, one to tell me to stay away, which was what I was planning to do anyway.

*2 days later

"Aahaha Max your so funny, and I listened to the song you wrote last night, its amazing!" Lucy is sat opposite me at the kicthen table, giggling and cackling at things max is saying that arent even funny, she sets my teeth on edge. Its been established they arent together anymore, nope. They just like the no strings attached sex. Its not a relationship. they're just friends with benifits. She's here though, taunting me, teasing me, sending me insane with the threat of repeating history, I dont know how much longer I can take this.

*7 days later

"Right so its toast or errrr toast for breakfast" I laugh "Well I guess I'll have some toast for breakfast then Char" I'm sat in Charly's new kitchen after staying round. She moved into her own place yesterday and I helped her move in. She is seriously my best friend now. I feel like I can be myself around her. Well.... As like myself as I can be withour letting the act slip. It was nice staying here last night and not at the house, I did have a nightmare last night, I cant not have them anymore, I close my eyes and BAM I'm terrified. I dont think Charly noticed though...

*Charlies POV

He really thinks I didnt hear him screaming in pure terror last night. I did and it was the worst thing to have to listen to. Hearing him screaming for help and knowing if I woke him up he would'nt e able to act himself around me was the worst thing. If I want him to open up to me I need to gain his trust. I'm brought back from my thoughts by the sound of the toaster pinging. I pick it up and throw some butter on it and sit down with Nath. "So hows life?" He looks up at me puzzled "Erm I got signed off for stress and have to take these stupid pills but other then that I'm good" I nod "Sometimes talking about why your stressed can help reduce it? It may even help with the nightmares" He looks at me shocked for a split second before composing himself, thinking I didnt notice his initial reaction. He starts to laugh "What nightmares char? You mean that little thing when I last stayed over? I always get nightmares if I eat before going to bed, its nothing" "What about the one last night?"

*Nathans POV

She heard. She knows about the nightmares. I sigh "Char, their nothing" "It didnt sound like nothing Nath, you were screaming for your life, I dont know what you saw or experince in your dreams last night but it sounded horrific" I look at her, time to get my actor head on " I get nightmares when I get stressed, just being 18 and in a massive band it gets to you sometimes ya know? But I'm working on it arent I? Trust me Char I'll be fine" She nods and gets up "Right well as long as your sure nath, right I'm off to the store to get to the paper see you in a sec" I nod and shout goodbye as she leaves. Right well I suppose I could do the washing up whiles she's gone.

I just finished getting ready when I hear charly come in "NATH GET HERE NOW, SOMETHINGS HAPPENED!" I race downstairs and see Charly stood in the living room white with shock. She hands me the paper and the front page makes my heart double pace

"NATHAN SYKES SPLIT ME AND MAX GEORGE UP" Its Lucy....

"Right nath, what happened!" Me and char have just read the paper. Lucy's pilled a load of bullshit into a story of how I lead her on for months and when she kissed me I told her I wasnt interested. I put my head in my hands, all I can think is " I need to bleed" Char looks at me and I tell her what really happened that night. "And what about Max" I have to think quickly on how to answer this "He refused to talk to me for months but he's starting to now, he still feels raw, he really loved her" She shakes her head "I dont believe you, the day I met you, you had that massive bruise, last night I say you take your shirt off and you had a load of bruises on your ribs. like you'd been kicked. Whats really going on Nathan?" Its true maz pinned me down last night when he was drunk and kicked seven shades of shit out of me, he's been getting more violent as he drinks more. I dont like what I'm about to do but I need to get her off my back, for her sake "WHY DONT YOU JUST BUT OUT! ITS MY BUISNESS, YOUR JUST A NOSY COW!" I pick up my stuff and run out of the door...

*back to the present

I've run out of room on my thighs. I just need to bleed, That interviewer today. Accusing me, stupid little jibes. Making me feels shit about myself. I treated Charly like shit, she hasnt spoken to me since I ran out of her flat after snapping at her, I feels so guilty and now i realise just how much a need her. The hate i got from the paper has been horrific. With tears running down my face a take the razor to my thigh, going over old cuts. After cleaning them, the stinging gives me a wave of calm, its strange but this, this is the only control I have now, the only thing keeping me alive. Yet I cant help but feel, what if, what if maybe I end it all?......

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Oh god I owe you guys a massive explanation. Right so bassically last time I took forever to update was due to writers block and stress at college. The day after I last updated I lost my job :/ My dad's health then started to go downhill, those two combined with writers block and stress at college caused a chain reaction of me feeling shit that I was letting you guys down and I considered delting my acount. But now my dad is better (well he's still not at work but he's better) and I have found insperation. I still dont have a job but hey ho that is something thats proved difficult to fix :/ so yeah if it takes me a while to update, please note I feel so bad when it happens :(,  its probably because somethings happened or I'm mega stressed and the fics kinda been put to the back of the to-do list. Again so sorry for the wait, I will try my hardest to update more often but yeah things are still quite shit/stressfull :( Love my loyal readers so much, thanks for sticking with me :) hope you enjoy, much love Ellz xxxxx