I Cant Do This Anymore (Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

"Life has a funny way of fucking up"

*2 weeks later*

*Nathans POV

"Right home sweet home Nath, I'll get your bags, you go relax in the living room* Jay says to me as we walk itno the house, I've been discharged at last. I've had so many operations since being in hospital. The one to fix my lung (apparently I nearly died but I dont remember much about it), some on my face and one more to go to fix my nose. It's been tough but I'm getting through it. The doctors have agreed not to tell anyone about the self harm. I managed to convicne them I wasnt mental. They discharged me this morning and Jay picked me up.  I thought all the boys would but I guess they couldnt make it, Jay's been acting well weird.  He wont let me out of his sight, He offers to take my bags, its like I've lost the use of all of my limbs! I sigh and make ny way into the living room..

"WELCOME HOME!!!" I'm met with everyone crowded into the living room with welcome home banners and baloons and get well cards and balloons. I gues this is why they couldnt make it! I stand in the doorway speechless when Tom comes up to me with a drink, "here you go mate, apple juice coz we know you cant drink on those painkillers"  I cant believe they've actually done this, I look and see Charly at the side of the group, I smile at her, she was there when I woke up, she's been by my side all through this. She really is my best friend, I couldnt be more lucky to have her. 

*2 hours later

the "party" is in full swing, It was never gonna be a massive thing, just the boys and girlfriends having a few drinks to celebrate me coming out of hospital. its been nice, I cant help but feel panicky though. Max has been all matey with me. ever since I woke up in hospital, he's suddenly my best mate? U havent forgotten who did this to me. I havent forgotten who's caused more stress for me. The boys are convinced its this idiot in the club who's girlfriend I hit on. I cant tell them the truth, I know I say it alot but this band is all I have, I cant tear ip apart, I just cant. I go along with "I dont remember the night at all" story. No questions asked, No pressure on me. Its the way I want it. 

Charly comes and sits next to me"How you feeling?" "I bit tired but yeah good" She smiles at me, "Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?" "yeah sure" Whilst the others are into their drinking game, me and Charly head upstairs to my room. We sit on my bed talking for what seems like hours before Charly looks down at her hands, "Um Nath, have you ever thought of me in any other way then just a friend?" I look at her confused "what do you mean Char?" "well I'm just gonna come out and say it, I like you, like really like you, the day of your attack nearly killed me, and if you dont like me back then thats fine, I can walk out and we can never mention this agai...." I cut her off by placing my lips onto hers, I kiss her softly, letting her know that I feel exactly the same way, but was just to scared to tell her, there is nothing more perfect then this momment now..

*3 days later

"so whens your hospital apointment?" "3 o clock I've told you like a dozen times Char" I balanxe the phone under my ear as I spread butter over my toast. "righ I'll see you in about half hour then? bye sexy", I love being able to call her that now, She's made my world complete, not even Max can make me feel low now. I havent cut in three days, and its all thanks to her, I gnore the voices telling me to do it, I feel like I can get my life back on track.. "Hello Nathy" That voice, I'd know it anywhere, its her. I turn around and see her sceaming dark brown eyes staring right at me, Her black hair falling over her face. she smiles at me, "long time no speak eh? I heard about your accident, I was gonna come visit but we all know what Max would do if he saw you anywhere near me" "what do you want Lucy?" She smiles venemously at me, "Oh nothing, just wanted to feel you again, I miss those lips" she says as she runs an ice cold finger over my lips, I shudder at her touch, "I'm back Nathan, back in your life, surely you've seen twitter? Max has anounced it, we're back together, You cant get rid of me that easy..." and with that she walks out of the room.

I feel my heart races, my mind whirling, so manu thoughts come at once and I need to slow them down, I need to get rid of them. I need a distraction form all of this, and I know the best way. I run up to my room and look under the loose floorboard under me bed, there it is. My best friend, A flash of silver runs through my eyes as the metal hits the light. I roll down my jeans and run my hands over the pink scars of cuts starting to heal, "Do it, you know you want to, you're a worhtless piece of shit, Charly will leave you once she finds out, everyone will, you dont mean nothing to no body" The voices, the oh so familier voices that rule my life egg me on. I place the blade onto my thigh and watch as it all drains away, the anxiety, the bad thoughts, everything ebbs away as the blood pours. Its funny though isnt it? Everything can be going perfect for me and then one thing happens and it all comes crashing down, everything. I guess you can say lifes funny? Well it has a funny way of fucking up....

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I'm back guys :) I really dont know how to say how sorry I am :/ I owe you a massive explanation. I went through a tough time recently and my self confidence hit a massive low and I felt I wasnt good at anything and I was a shit writer and I should just give up :/ So I kind of abandoned the fic :( but the past week I've found my motivation after reading a couple of fics and deciding to finish mine :) We don't have long now until this is finished :( but a sequal is being planned if you guys want one so let me know :D I know this isnt much cop but its been a while haha, I promise the next few parts will be better :) vote and reveiw please guys :D much love Ells xxxx