I Cant Do This Anymore (Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

"I think you should see someone"

*Nathan's POV

I'm walking down an empty street.

I feel like someones following me so I turn down an alleyway.

I see the same hooded man from most of my dreams.

He stands there watching me.

He starts to step towards me, a flash of sliver in his hand.

I bolt, running for my life as he chases me.

For some reason I feel the best chance of safety is to get to high ground.

Before I know it I've run to the top of a high story carpark.

I get to the edge, theres no where left to go.

I look behind me, he's gone.

I look back and he's there right infront of me.

I try to run off but he grabs my shirt, panic rising I try to fight him off but slip.

I'm falling, flaling the air as I'm just about to hit the ground...

"NO!" I jump up with a start. The familiar racing of my heart and the tight chest. Beads of sweat running the same route down my neck and forehead. I look at my alarm clock next to me 3PM. Jay will still be at Carlies and Tom and Siva still at the studio. Good. I dont want to see them. I just want to stay in my room. At least I'm safe here, in my own little bubble where noone can hurt me. I look at my phone. 7 missed calls and 10 new text mesages. There mostly from Charly but a couple of phone calls and 1 message are from Tom asking if I want Chinese for dinner tonight. I ignore them all. I dont know why but I just want to be alone. Flashbacks from earlier race through my head. max's insults, the horrible feeling of being exposed and insequre when he ripped my shirt off, being held under the water. Being unable to breathe, the panic, the feeling of being about to die..

My head swims and I start to feeling light headed and panicky. My breathing quickens and my heart rate doubles. I have to sit down. I try to push the memories out of my brain. I want to sleep but I cant. These nightmares are starting to make me terrified to go to sleep. I can hear Max moving around downstairs. Please dont let him come up here. Please just let him leave me alone.

I hear the front door slam. More voices, Tom and Siva are back. I feel like I can relax a little but still cant face anyone. I'll give the game away. I cant risk it. I lay on my bed staring around my room before getting up and sitting in the windowsill watching everyone live out their dailey lives. Do any of them have secrets? It amazes me that some of the people walking around below me could have the worst lives in the world yet you wouldnt know. They must have secrets, secrets noone probably knows so in a way their just like me? I suppose we're all the same in that sense, we all have secrets. Some bigger then others but we all hide something from people every once and a while right?

"Nath do you want chinese?" I'm broken from my thought by Tom knocking on the door. I ignore him, maybe he'll get the message that I dont want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left on my won to think. "Nathan? mate are you ok?" Maybe he'll think I'm asleep.

After another 5 minutes he gives up and goes back downstairs. I continue to sit in the windowsill for another 20 minutes before ,my legs fall asleep and I feel the sun starting to burn my face. I need a distraction to try and clear my head. I look around my room, its a shithole. I'll tidy it, yeah thats it, I'll give my room a proper tidy and a clear out.

bad idea. After half and hour I'm only halfway through. I never knew I had so much crap! I've done one side of my room, now to do the other which includes my chest of draws and wardrobe. This could take forever. I decide to tackle the draws first, I open the first one; Random food wrappers, magazines (no not THAT kind), some fan letters and then at the bottom I see the smashed up pieces of a trophy. The trophy Max smashed that night. I pick it up and flashbacks rock my brain. Panic starts to set in and I have to sit down on my bed. I stare at the shattered remains on the trophy and his voice rings clear in my ears;

"YOU'RE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

Tears spring to my eyes and I have no idea why. I just sit there staring at it before someone knocks on my door again. "FUCK OFF!" the words are out before I can even stop them. Whoever it was didnt give up and I hear my door opening. I look up to find Jay looking at me. Concern edged all over his face. He walks over and sits on the bed.

"I hear you havent been out of this room all day?"wheres he going with this? I nod my head, its like I've lost the ability to speak,

"Why?" "I dont know, I prefer being in my room is that a crime?" He narrows his eyes "What about when people are worried about you? Nath please your scaring us! You hardly leave this room, your always distracted and deny it all you want but I know you've been having nightmares. Please mate whats wrong? We can get it sorted but you need to tell us!" My jaw drops, how did he know I was having nightmares? Tears spring to my eyes and are falling before I can gain any kind of control. I need to make something up. 

"I'm just stressed ok! Its not easy you know, being 18 and having all this pressure on my shoulders Jay! I miss home, I miss my friends, I miss going out and not having to worry about paps and stuff. Its just hard ok!" before I know it Jays arms are wrapped around me, not in an awkward way but it him trying to comfort me. It didnt make me feel uncomfortable coz at that momment he was doing what I've wanted someone to do for a long time, make it seem like it can be ok. "I think you should see someone mate" I look up at hm, see someone? "like a shrink?" He nods "dont get funny ok, Your obviously stressed mate so maybe talking to someone could help" I just nod, Max is gonna love the thought of me talking to a shrink isnt he? "Want some chinese?" "nahhh mate I'm not really hungry" Jay gives me a suspicious look before leaving. I havent eaten anything today, I just havent been hungry. Food is the last thing on my mind right now.

I quickly go for a shower and brush my teeth. I look in the mirror and examine my eye. The swellings nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday but the bruise is massive. I also have on my shoulder. I'm starting to get quite a collection! I make my way back to my room, tiptoeing past Max's room. I havent seen him since the whole nearly drowning me incident this morning. I check my phone, theres a message from Charly:

"heyyy Nath, just making sure we were still on for tommorow? havent heard anything from you today xxx"

oh shit yeah! I'm meeting Charly tommorow! I quickly text her back making up that I felt ill today and slept most of the day (not really a lie) before turning off my phone and lying back on the bed. I'm exhausted but terrified to go to sleep, terrified of what I'll see when I close my eyes. After another hour I cant fight it anymore and succumb to the exhuastian....

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gahhh so sorry this is so late! theres no excuse really, I was just being lazy :S I start writing then get distracted :( but yeah its up at last, sorry for the crappyness this is just a filler really :) so yeah hope you like! oh and can I get some reviews on this please? Just wanna know what people think of the story itself :) tahhhh :D much love Ellz xxxx