I Cant Do This Anymore (Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

Shrinks, Doctors and Quacks...

*Nathans POV

I sit in the dark looking around my room but not really taking it in. Its 4AM and I havent slept since I got in from seeing Charly yesterday. Mostly because I'm scared. Scared to fall asleep, terrified of what I'll see. I'm also scared because Today I have to go and see a doctor. Jay has insisted, He wont let it drop. He's insisted on dropping me off so he knows I'll go in. I'm not a fucking baby!

Another 2 hours of me sat staring into space I hear movement downstairs in the kitchen. Someones up. I dont even risk going downstairs. I dont know who it is and dont wanna risk it being max. I hear more movement and I know the others are starting to get up aswell. Maybe I could chance going down for some food? I should probably get dressed first. I slowly stand up and make my way accross my mess of a room to the wardrobe. After about 20 minutes to thinking I decide on my beige chinos, a black patterned top and my dark blue denim jacket.

I go to put my trousers on but catch sight of the cuts from last night. Another six but on my other leg. Raw and angry. Tears well in my eyes. Tears of shame, Tears of secret pain, Tears of despair. I quickly blink them away and put my trousers on and finish getting ready. I decide to wear my hair naturally today rather then a cap.

I make my way slowly down the stairs. I can hear voices in the kitchen and I dont want them to notice me listening. I sit outside the door and listen. I can hear Jay talking;

"I'm worried about him, I think this is the best way forward to be honest. Maybe talking to someone can help him?" shit he's talking about me! I hear Tom pipe up;

"So your taking him to see a quack?" shit, shit, shit. Jay pipes up again. "No I'm taking him to see a doctor. He's stressed, Think about it. He's 18 and he's got all this pressure on his shoulders? That cant be easy, maybe talking to someone can help." Then another voice pops up that makes me shudder

"And your going with him? Jay mate he's a big boy he can go by himself. If you ask me I think he needs to man up and deal with it"

"Max, I'm taking him coz I know if I dont he wont go. And people deal with pressure differently, Nath obviously dosent deal with it as well as us lot do". I turn on my heal and bolt up to my room. Max knows. Max knows I'm going to see a doctor. He'll think I'm gonna tell them everything. He's gonna go ape shit. I sit on my bed, shaking, my breathing becoming faster and faster as I become more panicky. Suddenly a realisation hits me. I CANT SLOW MY BREATHING DOWN! shit. I try my hardest to calm down but its gets faster and faster and I begin to feel dizzy. I try to think, is this an asthma attack? No, it feels different. After another 15 minutes my breathing finally starts to return to normal.

What just happened? I lie down on the bed and look at the clock, me and Jay have to leave in half an hour and I havent had anything to eat yet. I really should go and eat something. Just as I'm about to get up I can hear footsteps thumping up the stairs. The familiar panicky feeling returns as my door swings open, hitting the wall with a bang. Max stands in the doorway fury in his eyes as they bore into mine. He walks towards me in what feels like slow motion as he grabs me by the throat and pins me against the wall;

"So Jay tells me you need to go see a doctor? What you gonna say babyNath? Are you really gonna tear this band apart coz you cant take a few little knocks? YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC!"

I squirm and try to break free but his hold is far too strong, I speak but my voice is barely a whisper "I'll make him come in with me, He can tell you everything I said" He smirks and lets me go, "YOU SAY ANYTHING AND YOU'LL HAVE TO START DEALING WITH MORE THEN A FEW LITTLE KNOCKS"

As he walks out he slams my door again and I stand there shaking. Not in fear but with anger. Anger at him but mostly at myself for letting him treat me this way. Tears start to run down my face as the voice comes back "You're so pathetic, you let him walk all over you! You obviously deserve it!" I pick up my familiar metel friend and walk into the bathroom ready for more crimson tears to fall...

*Jays POV

"FUCKING HELL SYKES IF YOU DONT GET DOWN HERE IN TEN SECONDS I'M COMMING UP THERE AND DRAGGING YOU DOWN MYSELF! WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!" Honestly he's driving me insane, if we dont leave now we're going to be late, it was hard enough getting this apointment anyway. I hear movement and he appears at the top of the stairs, "Finally! c'mon we have to go now" I glance back and notice he's limping slightly, "mate hurt your leg?" he glances at me "errrm yeah stubbed my toe, fucking kills mate" I nod and get into the car.

After a 15 minute drive we pull up at the doctors and just as I'm about to get out I feel Nath pull me back. I turn to face him and he has tears in his eyes "Jay please come in with me, I dont think I can do this on my own" I'm a bit taken aback but I cant just leave him can I? "yeah sure mate, listen we're gonna get this sorted out yeah?" He nods and gets out the car.

As we get called in I look at Nathan. He's gone quiet and I can feel fear and aprehention seeping from him. He's terrified.

We take a seat and the doctor asks Nath whats been happening "errrm Jay and the others are convinced that I'm really stressed and stuff so their making come here."

"Nath please tell her about the nightmares! Listen doc we're really worried, he's been having these nightmares and he cant focus on things and hardly leaves his room, is there anything you can give him to like calm his nerves or something?"

The doctor looks at me and the to Nathan before talking "This sounds like a case of accute stress, its quite normal for someone of your age to feel stressed when dealing with so much pressure Mr Sykes, I could prescribe sleeping pills for the nightmares but I feel that it wont help to deal with what is causing them in the first place, so I'll give you some pills which will help to relax you. I recomned you write a list of all the things that are making you stressed and deal with them till the nightmares stop. I'm also going to give you a doctors note for a week off work to relax. Any more problems, dont hesitate to call us."

We leave and get back to the house where the boys are in the kitchen waiting for us, as we walk in Tom hands us both a cuppa "so how did it go?" Nath looks at me and I ecplain "The doctor said it was stress so she's given him some pills and a week off work, she also told us that he needs to take it easy for a few weeks so we need to try and take the pressure off him" They all nod before Siva says;

"I think now that we have a week off, we should go and get hammered? Its been too long boys!" We all nod in agreement and go to get ready. what could seriously go wrong on a boys night out eh?....

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So sorry with how late this is! I've just had alot on my mind recently and fic has been neglected :S I know its shit aswell but hey at least I'm updating again eh? Right well I hope you enjoy :S The next chapter is Charly's so erm yeah, hoep you like me'lovelys :) Much love Ellz xxx