Starry, Starry Night (Kanaway Book 4)

XXIII

INTERVIEWER: what is your biggest fear if you have any?"

CJ: Oh, I have lots of fear. But the most recent realization for me is that I am so afraid of being pitied by anyone.

Interviewer: I don't think that's possible. But anyway, down to the last question. What is it that you love about your new fiancé?

CJ: All of him. He doesn't seem to mind even if I'm crazy. Trust me, I am. I am not afraid to admit it now. He's intelligent without being a show-off. He's not horrified by my tantrums or bad habits. And most of all, he thinks my heart is beautiful. He's the only person who thought of me that way. He's selfless. I love him. I've never loved anyone but him.

Hindi lamang yata sampung ulit na nabasa ni Sev ang interview ni CJ subalit hindi pa rin siya nagsasawang basahin iyon.

She loved him. She did. He could feel it in his bones na ang lahat ng mga sinabi ni CJ sa interview ay totoo. Lalo na ang huling bahagi. When he said that her heart is beautiful, he meant it. He meant every single word he said to her. At sa puso niya'y alam niyang ganoon din si CJ sa kanya. Ayaw lamang iyong tanggapin ng kanyang pride dahil sa panlolokong ginawa nito sa kanya.

But he loved her. God, he loved her. At tama ang kanyang ina. Isang beses lamang siyang magmamahal.

Sasayangin ba niya iyon?

Mula sa pagkakahiga sa kanyang kama ay bumangon si Sev. Basta na lamang siyang kumuha ng t-shirt sa kanyang closet at isinuot iyon. Eksatong paglabas niya ng kwarto ay tumunog ang kanyang cellphone na nakapatong sa couch. Pahablot niyang kinuha iyon. Nang makita na numero ni CJ ang nakarehistro roon ay kaagad niyang sinagot ang tawag.

"Hello?" her sweet, slightly husky voice.

"Hello, oh, God! Thank God!" he was smiling and breathless. "Where are you?"

"I'm here, sa labas ng building ng condo mo. Can we talk? I know you don't want to talk to me or see me anymore but––"

"No!" halos pabulyaw na pakli ni Sev. "Just wait for me there, okay? Don't move, I'll come for you."

Habang sinasabi niya iyon ay tumatakbo na siya palabas ng kanyang unit. Tinapos na niya ang tawag at dali-dali niyang pinindot ang elevator. But the damn thing was stopping at every floor. Hindi na siya nag-aksaya ng panahon. Nag-hagdan na lamang siya.

Wala na siyang ibang naririnig kundi ang nakaririnding tibok ng kanyang puso ng tuluyan siyang makababa sa lobby. Luminga siya sa paligid subalit wala roon si CJ. He should have told her to go in.

Lumabas siya ng bulding at tumakbo sa may gilid ng kalsada. He caught a glimpse of a woman na natitiyak niyang si CJ dahil sa buhok. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya ng pumara ito ng taxi at tuluyang sumakay roon.

"CJ!" malakas na tawag niya rito. Subalit tila wala itong narinig. He tried to run after the taxi subalit mabilis na iyong nakalayo.

He was standing there, by the roadside. Numb and paralyzed and alone. There goes the only woman he loved. Natauhan lamang siya ng may bumusina sa may likuran niya. Nang makita na taxi ang bumusinang iyon ay mabilis siyang sumakay roon.

"Manong, sundan n'yo ho iyong taxi na iyon sa unahan! Huwag n'yong hahayaan na mawala sa paningin n'yo," utos niya.

It was a fear he had never felt before. Weakening his senses and his body. Gaano ba siya katagal sa hagdan? Paano kung inisip ni CJ na hindi na siya bababa? She made an effort to come to him. She did. But now she's going away.

It was really true that you wouldn't know what you got until it's gone.

Naihilamos niya ang mga kamay sa mukha ng mag-ring ang kanyang cellphone. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata. Dala nga pala niya ang cellphone! Bakit hindi niya tawagan si CJ? Ngunit ng makita niyang si CJ ang tumatawag na iyon ay para siyang papanawan ng ulirat.

"CJ! God! Where are you going, sweetheart?"

"Where am I––ikaw saan ka pupunta?"

Sinilip niya ang taxi sa unahan. Nang bigla silang masingitan ng isang nag-overtake at napamura siya. "Please, stop, CJ. Patigilin mo muna ang taxi. Let's talk, please."

"But I'm not––"

"I love you, CJ," he sounded frantic but he doesn't care anymore. "I'd give my heart to you. You'll probably break it but I don't care. I just want to be with you. I can endure anything just to be by your side. I can't take any distance away from you. Every breathing, every smile, every movement, every part of me shouts nothing but your name."

"If you love me, you need to get back here."

"Where?"

"Nandito ako sa labas ng building. I'm still here and I saw you ride a taxi."

Napanganga si Sev. "What?"

"I'll wait for you here."

"Manong itigil n'yo ho!" nabiglang sigaw niya. "Itigil n'yo bababa ako!"

Tila nabigla ang driver sa sigaw ni Sev kaya't pabigla ang naging pagpreno nito. Halos mapasubsob si Sev. Ngunit hindi niya iyon alintana. Bumaba siya ng taxi at pagkababa ay nanakbo siya sa kung paano na lamang. Hindi niya pinansin ang pagtawag ng driver. He'll pay him later. It's a matter of life and death.

He was running like crazy. His heart was bursting like tiny bubbles. Happiness was springing from within.

Malayo pa lamang siya ay natatanaw na niya si CJ na nakatayo sa may gilid ng kalsada. Kumaway ito ng makita siya. She's there, wearing a black jacket and jeans and bullcap ang sunglasses. Ngayon ay hindi na siya maaring magkamali. His heart was shouting her name.

He snatched her waist and lifted her to his arms. He almost rotated at the impact.

He kissed her hair as he removed the sunglasses and kissed her. He eats up her sudden gasp.

Nang maghiwalay sila ay nangingislap ang mga mata ni CJ sa luha. "I'm sorry, Sev. I'm sorry for lying, for tricking you, for using you. I don't deserve you––"

"Shh..." inilapat niya ang daliri sa mga labi nito. Then he kissed her once more. "We deserve each other. So let's not be sorry to each other. Gusto ko lang..." huminga siya ng malalim at kinapa ang daliri ni CJ. Napuno ng kakaibang init at ginhawa ang kanyang puso ng madama ang kanyang singsing sa daliri nito. "Gusto ko lang na magsimula tayo ulit. Let's not make the same mistakes. Let's be honest, really honest from each other."

SUNOD-SUNOD na tumango si CJ.

"I just want to tell you how I felt sa isang buong linggo na magkalayo tayo," she was breathless. Her heart was beating painfully fast sa pinaghalong tuwa at takot. She stared into his dark eyes. Wala itong suot na salamin ngayon. She's glad. "I can live without you. I can still exist." Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ni Sev at hinagkan ang mga iyon. "But being with you, living my life knowing that you will always be by my side was a million times better. I love you, Sev."

"I know," pinagdikit nito ang kanilang mga noo. Their shallow and uneven breaths were mingling.

Tears slipped from her eyes. Tumingin siya sa itaas. Walang mga bituin. But she can almost see the stars sparkling. And most of all, she can almost feature God looking down on her. Her heart overflowed with gratitude because He gave her this man.