Silence

Chapter 45

Dylan blocked me off any form of contact even in class he'd make sure to sit as far from me as possible. I felt miserable and upset if I had told him when it started none other of this would've happened.

That Saturday after the dance I spent all day crying and mopping over him and how upset he was. It kept seeing the moment replay in my head when he told me I broke his heart. Stasia told me that she felt bad and hoped we'd work it out but I know that never happening. Isaac said that he made sure to sleepover that night to make sure Dylan didn't try to hurt himself.

Everything was different now and I felt it changing about me and it was changing my life and my relationships. I couldn't even talk to Stasia in Home Economics anymore Dylan would make sure only he could talk to her. Ryan and I were awkward now I barely talked to him as much and I know it was hurting him. My Fifteenth birthday didn't feel right cause I didn't deserve it or to live knowing I broke someone's heart.

"Josie" my mom said one Saturday morning as she noticed I looked down and wasn't acting the same.

"What's going with you lately it seems like you're upset all the time?" she asks and I don't know what to say.

"Mom I-" I begin to say and then I start crying and she hugs me.

"Sweetie what's wrong is it Ryan did he break up with you I knew it he's gay isn't he" she says trying to make me feel better.

"I broke someone's heart" I manage to say and she looks at me.

"Honey you're only in high school you so much time before you get married and have kids. You have so much time in your life don't waste it on one person when I was in college I read this poem and I'll find it for you and read it to you" she tells me and wipes my tears and I nod. She kisses my head and goes to the garage to look through her boxes.

I decide there was only one other option I could do and it was run with all my might and strength. I got on the treadmill and ran as hard as I could and sped it up faster and faster until my legs got tired. I was sweating like crazy but it was worth it and it made me feel a lot better. I got a call from Ryan and I picked it up and went outside.

"Hey" he said and it was weird.

"Hi are you busy" I ask trying to sound perky.

"No I'm free I was calling to see how you are you've been acting different lately" he says and I choose to ignore that statement.

"The weather's nice and warm enough wanna go to my house and chill in my pool and stuff" he says and tell him yes. This was me trying to be a better girlfriend and person to him cause he didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. So I rode my bike to his house and brought a bathing suit and put my hair up. Thank god I was able to pull myself together and look good. Ryan would never suspect a thing and that was okay with me and it would save our relationship.

Ryan opened his door shirtless looking hotter than ever and I think he's been getting tan. I didn't have a party with it in fact it made me want him more than ever.

"Hey babe" he said and grabbed my hand and let me put my stuff down and we walked to his pool. I then took my hair out of its messy bun and let it fall to my back and then I looked at him and pushed him in.

"Hey!" he exclaimed and then I screamed and jumped in and laughed it felt good to laugh again.

"I'm gonna get you" he says and starts swimming over to me but I splashed him in the face and swam off. I then put my hair back up after it gets into my face and then I get out of the pool and lay down on a chair.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asks and gives me a weird look.

"I'm tanning" I tell him and he laughs and offers to put location on me but I tell him it's good. Summer was coming soon and I was excited to get to be able to hangout with my friends and go to parties and become a skinny legend.

After 10 minutes of tossing and turning I look around for Ryan and he's in the hot tub and the way the stream hit his face was hot. I slowly walked towards him and he gulped as I came in and then we spent a minute in silence before I came to him and kissed him. We then started making out and it felt good and amazing but then out of nowhere an image of Dylan appeared in my head.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim and breaking away from Ryan.

"I'm so sorry let's just go inside and watch a movie instead" he suggests and I nod in agreement. I grab my towel and head inside to shower and change into some clothes. This was all so awkward now that I think of I'm a 15 year old girl making out with my boyfriend who's always home alone in his hot tub. I could've been going out with my family or make a new friend but no I'm just ruining my own life. Maybe I needed time to fix myself before I ruin others and that includes Ryan.

As I walked into his living room he had some chips and soda set out for us and was on his phone watching something and as I came into the room he turned off his phone and smiled at me. A little shady and weird but maybe he only did it so he could fully focus on me. I smile back and sit next to him and let him cuddle with me. We barely watch the movie and after a while he falls asleep. It was awkward and I didn't wanna wake him up until the movie was over so I took the remote and I fast forwarded the movie to the end. So I woke him up and he looked around and saw me and smiled.

"Hey sorry for falling asleep" he tells me and I play with his hair.

"I have something to show you" he says and gets up and takes my hand and we go this his room. I sit on his bed and it's hot in the room so I take off my sweatshirt and he takes off his shirt of course looking hotter.

"I got this for you" he says and it's bracelet that says his name.

"Aww you shouldn't have" I tell him and he sits next to me.

"I love you" he says and then kisses me and puts me on my back and we keep kissing. I feel him but his hands on my waist and I'm freaking out as he begins to kiss my neck and I try to push him off but he doesn't move.

"Ryan..." I say and look at him and felt sad and angry I can't believe that he just wants to fuck me.

"When did this become all you wanted in a relationship" I tell him and he's surprised at my response.

"Josie I'm sorry I-"

"Just don't touch me I'm going home" I tell him and grab my sweatshirt and get on my bike and put my headphones in and cry my heart out.

When I get home I go straight to my room and lock my door and I begin to breakdown. If this is how love feels then I don't want to be in love. I keep getting my heart broken again and again. Fuck Ryan for putting me in that position I bet he didn't actually love me he just liked the idea of having a girlfriend.

"Jo please open up" my mom begs as I walk up to the door and unlock it. I walk back to my bed and cover my face.

"You don't have to tell me what happened but I'm going to read something for you" she says and I silently nod.

"It's been said that we only fall in love three times in our lifetime. Your first love, a fairytale, new, exciting, joyful, unforgettable, heartbreaking. Your second love. Your learning love, healing, passionate, mature, hard, the love we wished was right. Your third and final love, takes you by surprise, powerful, unexpected, connected, meant to be, infinite." and when she finishes she hugs me.